Whenever You Need Me
by divakat
Summary: Cal has a medical crisis and Gillian takeds care of him. Cal/ Gillian H/C fic with lots of ship. Horrible intro I know but this is so unusual for me I don't even know where to start!  yeah, not really a Western but these ctegories are so stupid .
1. Chapter 1

**So when I say this is a total departure for me I really mean it. This is a true Hurt/ Comfort fic for those who like that kind of thing. For people who read me regularly, you may or may not like this one but I'd love to hear what you think anyway. 3 chaps so far and another one mostly written. I know just where this is going so I should crank this out pretty fast. There will be LOTS of ship exploration and there will certainly be some snutty bits as things progress along (can anyone say Cal/ Gillian sponge bath?). I'm leaving this T for now. Love to hear from those of you that like this kind of fic. Tell me whether you think I am doing a good job with this genre and what can be improved.**

**Unf. the first several chapters are a lot of set up, but I promise it will pick up soon.**

**This is the 3rd part in a series where I have used the same opening paragraph (worded exactly the same) to jump off in competly different directions. The first 2 are over on the M page.**

**I don't own Lie To Me and I really hate that it's fate is in the hands of Fox. GIVEMEMYSHOWBACK!**

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><p>Gillian pushed open the door of Cal's office, nose buried in a file on their latest case. She looked up, puzzled when she found Cal not at his desk. She could have sworn she saw him come in here just a few minutes before. She glanced at the sliding door to his study and saw that it was closed. It was unusual for him to sequester himself in the study mid day but she assumed he wanted privacy for something. She stamped down her curiosity and turned to go when an audible groan from the direction of Cal's study caught her ear.<p>

She rolled her eyes. _So typical, and in the middle of the day no less._ She was about to turn and go when a strained grunt, this one much more prolonged filtered through to her ears, followed by cursing and the shattering of glass. Concerned, she hurried over and pounded on the door. "Cal," she called, "are you alright?"

Not waiting for a response she pulled at the sliding door, relieved when it opened easily. Cal was on his knees on the floor surrounded by the remains of a large clay vase. He was holding a hand to his right side and making an awkward attempt to get back up on his feet. She immediately rushed to his side putting a hand beneath his shoulder.

"Oh my God Cal, what happened?" Even through his shirt she could feel the heat rolling off his body and the hair around his neck and forehead was slightly damp. His face was deathly pale.

"I'm fine," he protested, leaning heavily on her arm as she helped him to his feet. "Loker's been in my study moving things about again is all."

"Cal, you're burning up." She put a hand to his forehead and he shied away from her touch.

"I'm fine; I just ate some bad oysters or something."

He was nearly doubled over as he made his way across the room and she fought the urge to rush to his side, observing him intently. She watched as he sat down on the couch. He winced when he bent and his hand immediately went back to his right side. "Cal, how long have you been feeling like this?"

"Are you mothering again?" he said defensively.

"No, I'm your partner and your friend and I'm concerned about you. This could be something serious, now answer me," she insisted.

He glared at her and rolled his eyes but was obviously in far too much discomfort to really put up a fight. "Started this morning I guess, though it was more painful here." He gestured to the center of his lower abdomen. "It went away for a bit but came back with a vengeance just after lunch. Hurt so bad it made me sick. Really Gillian, I just need to spend some time in the bathroom and then sleep it off."

She looked at him with a critical eye. "Does this hurt?" She pressed against his right side gently and he let out a pained gasp.

"Jesus, who are you? The Maquis de Sade? Just leave it alone." He held his side, guarding against further probing by Gillian.

"I don't think I will leave it alone Cal. I think you should let me take you to the hospital," she said firmly.

"Seriously Gill, I'm fine." He attempted to stand but sank back down immediately with a muffled groan.

"No Cal, you're not. Right now you have two choices. Either you go quietly and let me drive you to the hospital or I call 911 and they can drag you out on a stretcher. The choice is completely yours." Her tone left no room for argument.

He collapsed into the back of the couch and she could tell that he was rapidly losing the will to fight.

She stood up and held out her hands to help him up. He simply glared at her. "Cal, either you let me help you or I go get Loker and he can carry you out."

"Oh now that's going too far Foster." His tone conveyed injury.

Reluctantly he held out his hands to her and she helped him stand. Once he was on his feet she slipped beneath his left arm, holding him gingerly around the waist as he draped an arm across her shoulders.

They made their way slowly to the elevator. Cal insisted she release her grip on him until they were out of sight of the office staff but her hand still hovered protectively at the small of his back. By the time they reached her car he was sweating heavily and Gillian began to question the wisdom of not calling an ambulance.

Once inside her car, Cal relaxed against the headrest and closed his eyes. His breathing was shallow as she sped out of the parking lot and plotted the quickest route to George Washington Hospital. She reached out and took his hand and he squeezed her fingers in return, turning his head in her direction. He wasn't complaining about her driving which was worrisome and his jaw was set tightly against the pain. His hand clammy but she could feel his pulse beating strongly and rapidly against her wrist. She let the reassuring rhythm quiet the pounding of her own heart as she pushed the throttle to the floor.

_Hang on Cal; Just please hang on._

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><p>So yeah, I was kind of nervous about publishing this because its so different for me. Lets just see how this goes!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for sticking around!**

**Still no ownership.**

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><p>The emergency room was busy. Cal had nearly knocked down an orderly who had insisted he be seated in a wheelchair to be taken inside. A smoldering look from Gillian had dampened his protestations and he grudgingly took a seat and allowed himself to be wheeled into admitting. Upon taking his information and hearing his symptoms, they were immediately shown to a room despite the throngs of people who had been there before them.<p>

Gillian waited outside while Cal changed into a hospital gown. She took a moment to call Emily and let her know what was going on. Her heart twisted at the panic and concern in Emily's voice. Gillian insisted that there was nothing to worry about and made sure Emily had someone who could bring her to the hospital.

By the time she re-entered the room, Cal was already being hooked up to an IV and a nurse was taking his vitals. Cal grumbled as the nurse placed the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm but it was clear that pain and fever were taking a toll on him and his protests were growing weaker. Gillian took a seat by his bedside as the nurse made some notations on a chart, and assured Cal that a doctor would be in to evaluate him shortly before exiting the tiny room.

Cal relaxed against the back of the raised bed and Gillian laid a hand to his bare forearm, craving contact.

He turned his head toward her and looked at her with fever glazed eyes. "You need to stop that," he said in a low voice.

"Stop what?" She stroked her fingers gently against his over-warm skin and forced a smile.

"Stop looking at me like I'm dying. I'll be fine Gillian."

"I know you will." She tried to make her voice sound confident but she felt moisture pooling against her lower lids.

"Gill…" he said softly, and reached his hand toward her face.

A door at the opposite end of the room opened and the doctor entered with a chart in her hand. She quickly flipped through the pages as she approached Cal's bedside.

"Dr. Lightman," she said, extending a hand toward Cal, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been kicked in the gut with a steel toed boot, and you?" Cal snapped.

"According to your chart you're reporting right side tenderness and mild nausea. You currently have a fever of 103.2. I'd say it's likely something is going on. Have you ever had an episode of appendicitis before?" She moved to lift the edge of Cal's gown and prodded his abdomen systematically, watching his reaction. "Does this hurt?" She put pressure on his left side and swept her hand toward his middle. He flinched immediately. "I'll take that as a yes."

She moved to the other side and pressed down against his lower abdomen, releasing the pressure quickly as Cal groaned. "Were you in more pain when I pressed or when I took my hand away?"

"The second one," Cal panted.

"Well, Dr. Lightman, you're certainly showing all the classic symptoms of appendicitis. I'd like to do a CAT scan to confirm and assess the extent of inflammation. It's important that we treat you as soon as possible. If it is your appendix, a rupture could be life threatening." Her tone was serious and the gravity of her expression wasn't lost on Cal.

"Sounds like I don't have much of a choice," he grumbled.

"Excellent. The nurse will be in shortly to take you to radiology. Mrs. Lightman," she said, addressing Gillian, "you'll have to wait here while the testing is done. I assure you it will be quick and once we have the results we can talk about what happens from here."She exited the room before Cal or Gillian had a chance to correct her misjudgment of their relationship.

An awkward moment was avoided when a nurse entered the room and unhooked Cal from his IV before rolling his bed toward the door. Gillian stood and Cal caught her eye as he was wheeled away.

"Think of me while I'm gone, darling," he called as the door swung closed.

Gillian smiled. At least his sense of the inappropriate was intact; a very good sign.

She had just sat down again when Emily burst into the room looking wide eyed and panicky. Gillian jumped up again as the Emily's gaze landed on her and then took in the empty room.

"Where's my dad?" she said in a rush.

Gillian quickly crossed the room and drew Emily into a comforting embrace. "He's fine sweetheart. They just took him for some tests. He should be back in a few minutes." She felt Emily's body relax against hers and planted a reassuring kiss against her hair before releasing her.

"Do they think it's serious?"

"They're not sure yet. The doctor suspects that he might have appendicitis but they still need to confirm." Gillian kept her voice steady and even, not wanting to alarm Emily any more than necessary.

"What will they do if it is?" She sounded worried.

"That will be up to the doctors but I know in most cases they want to do surgery to take out the appendix to avoid the possibility of it rupturing, which can be serious. The important part is that he's here and he can get the help he needs."

"It must have been a nightmare getting him to come here. Thank you Gillian." Emily hugged her again and they both took seats along the wall. Emily's hand silently sought out Gillian's and they listened to the bustling sounds outside the emergency room as they anxiously awaited Cal's return.


	3. Chapter 3

**Blah blah blah...Disclaimer...blah blah blah...Tim Roth is hella sexy and Kelli is a Godess.**

**Enough of an intro?**

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><p>Minutes seemed like hours as Emily and Gillian awaited Cal's return to the emergency room. Gillian hadn't realized how tense she was until the sound of the door opening made her nearly jump out of her seat. She managed to restrain herself as Emily immediately bounced up and hurried over to Cal's bedside before he was even fully in the room.<p>

"Dad," Emily said, her voice shaky as she embraced Cal as best she could from his position in bed. "Are you alright? Did the doctor say anything? What did the tests say?"

Cal pulled her close and kissed the top of her hair. "Easy Em, they don't know anything yet, darling. I'm fine love, really. It's just a little tummy ache, nothing for you to worry about, the doctors will take care of everything."

Emily rolled her eyes at Cal's patronizing tone."I'm not ten, dad. You don't have to pretend for my sake."

Gillian could see how much it pained Cal to have Emily worry about him and how much he desperately wanted to calm her fears. It was difficult not to feel like an intruder when the two were sharing such an intimate family moment and she wondered if she should step outside to allow them their privacy. She was saved from the decision when the doctor suddenly re-entered the room.

"I see there's a new arrival?" the doctor said as she reached out to shake Emily's hand.

"This is my daughter, Emily. She's a bit worried about her old dad, but I've told her there's really nothing to be worried about." His flat tone made it clear that he didn't want the doctor to unnecessarily alarm Emily.

"Of course." It was clear that the doctor took Cal's meaning and she smiled reassuringly at Emily. "I've reviewed your CAT scan, and as I suspected Dr. Lightman, your appendix appears to be significantly inflamed. The good news is that it also appears to still be intact. I've asked for a surgical consult and Dr. Patel will be in shortly to discuss your options. I'm afraid that your best option does involve surgery, but we should be able to perform the procedure very soon and using a minimally invasive technique unless something changes." She turned toward Emily. "This type of surgery is very routine and I assure you, your dad will be in very good hands. It's very lucky for him that he came in when he did."

She exited the room and was replaced a few moments later by the surgeon who explained that Cal would be taken up to be prepped for surgery as soon as possible. Gillian watched Cal and Emily's faces as the doctor explained the procedure.

"Essentially we will make three small incisions, here, here, and here." He gestured to Cal's abdomen. "Assuming that we reach the appendix before it ruptures and baring any other complications, you should be with us for one, maybe two days at most. You will need about three weeks before you can resume normal activities and you'll need to be very minimally active for the first 48 to 72 hours after going home. Dr. Lightman, is there someone who will be able to help you with some basic care after discharge for a few days?" he asked.

"I'll do it," Emily immediately spoke up.

"No Em, you need to be in school during the day. I'm sure I can manage on my own."

"I'll do it." Gillian stood up. "He doesn't listen to anyone else anyway."

"I don't listen to you half the time," Cal argued.

"You will," Gillian said firmly. She turned to Emily. "Do you mind?" she asked.

She could see Emily sag with obvious relief at her offer. "Of course not, thank you so much Gillian." Emily embraced her quickly.

In truth Gillian was relieved. She couldn't explain why it was she felt the need to be near Cal; to care for him. Perhaps it was just a maternal instinct taking over but she knew she would be able to think of nothing else unless she knew for certain he was safe and on the road to recovery. She couldn't bear the thought of Emily taking on that burden alone.

"Excuse me, but did the two of you plan on asking me about this? I don't need a wet nurse Gillian," Cal protested.

"I'm sorry to interfere here Dr. Lightman, but you will require considerable assistance with bathing and other activities for the first few days. It's not really something I would want my own daughter to have to do for me," the doctor explained patiently.

"You sure about this Gillian? I'm not sure I like the idea of Loker and Torres minding the till."

"I can direct things from your house via email and teleconferencing. I'm sure they'll hardly even know we're gone." She tried to instill confidence in her words, but his critical eye spotted even the slightest hesitation.

"It frightens me how good you are at that, love," Cal said, readign her lie.

"I'm glad that's settled. I'd like to talk with Dr. Lightman alone about some of the details of the procedure. If you go to the desk, they'll point you in the direction of the surgical waiting room. I'll come in to talk with you before we go in and you'll be able to see him briefly before the surgery."The doctor's voice was pitched to be reassuring, but Gillian knew he wanted Emily out of the room so he could discuss the gritty reality of the situation.

Emily gave Cal a quick hug and Gillian squeezed his arm, locking eyes with him as she tried to convey her intentions to shield Emily from as much as possible. She turned to go but felt his fingers lock around her wrist. She shivered involuntarily as gentle fingers caressed the sensitive flesh there.

"Thank You, Gillian," he whispered.

She could read his sincerity and so much more on his face and she quickly moved for the door before he could see the tears gathering.

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><p><em>Okay, thats all for today. Might be more up later on but it will certainly be updated very soon.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**Finally!**

**Unf. No one has gotten back to me about owning a stake in Lie to Me...and Tim is still MIA.**

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><p>The surgical waiting room was brightly lit and decorated in cheerful colors. Gillian sat with Emily in a quiet corner as the two sipped on weak tepid coffee from the hospital's cafeteria. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the surgeon they had met earlier, now dressed in blue scrubs, entered the room and motioned them over to a private consultation room.<p>

"He's all prepped for surgery. We've given him a sedative called Versed to help him relax and started him on IV antibiotics. He's likely to be a bit tired and he may not remember much of any conversation you have now but you can go in one at a time and see him briefly. Emily, he asked that you go in first. If you go to the desk, someone will show you back." He looked pointedly at Gillian and she remained seated as Emily left the room.

"What aren't you telling us Doctor?" Gillian leaned in, studying the older man's face.

"Not much actually, but I did want you to understand the risks involved in this procedure. While it is a fairly routine and minimally invasive surgery, there are always risks and complications associated with any operation. Right now we believe that Dr. Lightman's appendix is still intact, however it's entirely possible that once we get in and are able to visualize the affected area, we may have to open the abdominal cavity and flush out any harmful bacteria that have leached into the surrounding tissues. It's also possible that the appendix could rupture before we have a chance to remove it or even while we're removing it resulting in a much more extensive surgery. I don't think I have to tell you about the numerous complications that can occur as a result of general anesthesia and there is always a risk of post-operative complications," he added.

"What are you saying exactly?" Gillian pressed.

He placed his hand over Gillian's and held her eyes for a moment. "I'm saying that given Dr. Lightman's age and physical health, I have no reason to believe that the surgery will be anything but routine; however, I always want families to understand the entire picture." He stood and prepared to leave. "Generally the procedure takes approximately two hours barring complications and then Dr. Lightman will be brought to recovery. I'll come in and discuss the outcome with you and then you can see him once he's awake." He held out his hand to Gillian. "You know, he's very lucky he didn't wait a minute longer to seek medical attention. Dr. Lightman is extremely fortunate to have someone in his life that cares so deeply for him."

She shook his hand, and quickly looked away. There was something else behind his parting words, something implied in that last sentence that she couldn't afford to think about at the moment. She pushed down her fear, trying desperately to find reassurance in his words.

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><p>Gillian fixed a reassuring smile to her face and approached Cal's bedside. He turned toward her as she approached and flashed the most lovely and unguarded grin. She could see right away from his slightly glassy eyes that the drugs they had given him had taken effect.<p>

"Gillian, love, do you know how glad I am that you're here?" he asked, reaching out a hand toward her.

When she was close enough, he stretched his hand up to caress the side of her face before she took it and held it between her own. "How are you feeling?" she asked, knowing he was likely feeling no pain at the moment.

"Aw, I feel terrific, love. I'm gonna ask the Dr. to slip me some of this stuff on the way out. Bloody miracle drug, this," he said dopily.

"They said you wanted to see me before you went into surgery," she pressed, trying to keep him focused.

His hand snaked out of her grasp and reached up to stroke her cheek again, drawing her closer. "You know, Gillian, I don't tell you how beautiful you are nearly often enough." His eyes traced the outlines of her face.

"Cal…" she tried, knowing it was the drugs doing the talking.

"No, I mean it. You take my breath away, darling. You are so bloody gorgeous and I never tell you. Sort of thing a man should say, you know, to his best friend. I should say it every chance I get instead of being such a tosser."

His voice was soft and she found it impossible to meet his eyes, afraid she would see more there than just drug induced confession. She felt color rush to her cheeks and her heart felt as if it would hammer out of her chest. "I should probably go. They'll be wanting to take you in soon."

"Don't go, not yet." He continued to trace her jaw with his thumb.

When she finally met his eyes she clearly saw fear flash across his features. Cal Lightman was frightened of very few things but it was clear he knew that there was no fast talking or reasoning his way out of the situation he was currently facing. Gillian knew that if there was one thing in the world that frightened him the most, it was lack of control. Her heart wrenched in her chest as she watched him struggle to surrender his body and his fate to a team of people he didn't know and didn't trust. She placed a steady hand in the middle of his chest and ran the other through his hair, eyes locked to his. "Do you trust me?" she asked.

He looked at her intently. "With my life," he said without hesitation.

She had to fight to stay focused as the enormity and truth of his words washed over her. "You're going to be fine," she said confidently.

"How can you be so sure, love?" he asked, searching her face.

She wavered for just a moment, "because we need you." She struggled with the next words, "Because _I _need you."

A dozen things flashed across his face in an instant but the end result was that he visibly relaxed. His hand dropped back to his side and he closed his eyes, obviously exhausted.

A nurse in blue scrubs appeared at the bottom of the bed. "I'm sorry, we have the OR ready for him now. You'll have to wait in the patient waiting area."

"Of course, I was just going." Gillian moved away but Cal once again caught her wrist.

"Gill," he said softly, "just in case something happens…"

"Don't," Gillian interrupted.

"No, this is really important. Just in case something happens," he motioned her closer until their faces were inches apart, "get rid of everything in the cabinet next to my bed, yeah?"

She pulled back from him. "Porn, Cal? That's what was so important?"

He had the gall to look somewhat affronted. "Well yeah, don't want Emily to have to see that, you know. I'd do the same for you, Foster." His tone was sincere.

She fought down a smile. How did he make it so impossible to be mad at him? "I'll see you in a couple of hours, Cal."

She watched the nurse wheel him away as her head spun, replaying the last few moments again and again. She walked on shaky legs back to the waiting area to find Emily and prepared for the longest wait of her life.

_And the good news is that with down for so long, the next chapter will be ready tomorrow! Hope it was worth the wait!_


	5. Chapter 5

**This ones a bit longer because I couldn't come up with a good stopping point. Lots of Emily/ Gillian here. **

**I don't own Lie to Me and I don't have a snappy follow up to that today.**

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><p>Gillian tried not to stare at the clock but found her eyes constantly drawn to the slowly spinning second hand as long minutes dragged into seemingly endless hours. In the beginning she and Emily had chatted about school and boys. Gillian tried to remember if she had been nearly as precocious when she was Emily's age. The young woman's ability to see right to the heart of every situation astounded her. Of course it really shouldn't be surprising considering who her father was.<p>

Eventually the conversation turned to Emily's plans for college and her future and Gillian suddenly found herself drawn right smack into the middle of a very awkward conversation.

"I'm worried how my dad will be when I'm gone," Emily confessed, worry evident on her face.

"Every parent has to learn to let go eventually Em, even your dad."Gillian smiled reassuringly at her.

Emily was silent for a moment. "I worry about him being alone Gillian," she said finally.

"I know how you feel Emily, really I do. I know he will miss you more than he will ever let on, but you deserve to go out and pursue your own dreams and deep down he knows that and wants that for you." She took Emily's hand and squeezed it gently.

Emily sighed. "I know, I just wish he wasn't going to be rambling around that big house all by himself, you know what I mean? I wish he had someone is his life," she looked at Gillian pointedly.

_You walked right into that one, _Gillian thought, and tried not to let her face show her sudden discomfort with the direction of their discussion.

It wasn't at all difficult to read the implication behind Emily's words. Gillian chose to ignore it. "I'm sure he'll find someone Em. You know your dad, with the book and his work he tends to push everything else out. I know I don't need to tell _you_ about his trust issues, but I believe that eventually he'll let someone get close. He's trying." Suddenly Gillian wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

"He let you get close," Emily pressed, not letting Gillian off the hook.

And there it was. Emily had effectively backed Gillian right into a corner. Gillian chose her words carefully. "Your dad and I are business partners Em; friends. We care about each other very much but it can never be more than that." Gillian couldn't say why the words felt so wrong leaving her mouth.

"Why not? I mean, besides the fact that he's monomaniacal, egotistical, and self destructive? You love him anyway so tell me why it is that both of you keep living in denial?" Her voice rose until other people in the waiting room were looking in their direction.

Gillian was taken aback by Emily's frankness. She fought her immediate instinct to flee from the topic of conversation all together and instead looked Emily solemnly in the eye. "It's complicated between your dad and me Emily. That's the most honest answer I can give you." She sighed, stroking a hand gently over Emily's hair.

"I think it's far less complicated that either of you will admit to yourselves."Emily drove her point home with astounding accuracy and Gillian was left speechless. Try as she might, she didn't have anything resembling a response to that last statement and the words were simply left hanging in the air between them.

At that moment, a nurse in a scrub cap entered the waiting room and consulted with the attendant at the desk who pointed at Gillian and Emily. Emily gripped Gillian's hand tightly as she approached.

"Dr. Foster? Miss Lightman? I'm Linda. I was in Dr. Lightman's surgery and I can tell you that everything went as planned. He's been taken to recovery and you'll be able to see him as soon as he's awake. The Doctor will be in to consult with you shortly." She smiled as both Gillian and Emily nodded and relaxed and then quickly left the room.

The doctor came in a short while later and discussed the details of the procedure. They had been able to remove Cal's appendix without open surgery and he expected a quick recovery barring any unanticipated complications. "He should be awake any time. He'll be groggy from the anesthesia and we're giving him something for the pain so don't expect too much. It's been a pleasure to meet you both." He shook both Emily and Gillian's hands and showed them out.

A different nurse was waiting outside to take them to Cal. She led them down a maze of twisting corridors lined with hundreds of patient rooms. They passed nurses, doctors and orderlies in various colored scrubs as well as patients in ill-fitting hospital gowns walking the halls tethered to IV poles. Finally they passed through a set of double doors and were led to a large room with several curtained off patient areas.

The nurse pulled aside a curtain to reveal Cal who was propped up in bed and hooked up to IV's and monitors. His eyes were closed and to Gillian he looked small and pale against the white sheets. Emily rushed to his side and took his hand as his eyes fluttered open. She tried to hug him lightly and Gillian saw him wince with pain.

"Easy, darling," he said in a hoarse voice.

"I'm sorry dad, I'm just so glad you're okay." Emily's voice sounded close to tears.

"Of course I am darling, of course I am. I never doubted it for a moment." His eyes sought Gillian's and she felt a blush rise to her cheeks. So much for not remembering anything.

Gillian and Emily stood aside as nurses and aids came in and checked Cal, recording his vitals and having him take and expel deep breaths despite his obvious discomfort. Gillian knew it was important to make sure the anesthesia was completely cleared from his lungs but she still hated to see him in pain.

A half hour later, Cal was taken from recovery to a regular room. The second bed in the room was currently unoccupied affording Cal the luxury of a private room at least temporarily. Once he was settled, Gillian and Emily sat at his bedside as he drifted in and out of sleep.

Another hour later, a new nurse came in the room and looked at Gillian and Emily apologetically. "I'm very sorry, but visiting hours have been over for awhile now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave and come back in the morning. He's doing very well and I assure you we'll take excellent care of him."

Emily jumped up quickly. "I'm not leaving," she said adamantly.

"Emily," Gillian tried, "Why don't you let me take you home? We can come back first thing in the morning."

"You can go, but I'm not leaving him alone Gillian." Emily crossed her arms beneath her breasts.

Gillian looked at Emily for a long moment and could see that the girl would not be moved. She turned to the nurse. "I'm sorry. Is there someone we can speak with to get permission to stay, just for tonight? I promise neither of us will disturb him."

She could see that the nurse wanted to argue the point, but one look at Emily's face and even a blind fool could see that she would have to be dragged away from her Cal's bedside before she would listen to reason.

Her face softened. "I'll see what I can do, but if we have to place someone in the other bed, you'll definitely have to leave."

"We completely understand, right Emily?" She reached out a hand to Emily's shoulder reassuringly.

Finally, Emily relaxed. "Yeah, thank you. I'm sorry, I just…I can't leave him," she explained.

The nurse left and Gillian ushered Emily over to the couch. Thankfully Cal was still breathing evenly and appeared to be sleeping soundly. "You look exhausted Em. Why don't you lie down for a while? I'll sit with your dad. I promise to wake you if anything changes."

Emily looked relieved at the offer. They opened a cupboard and found an extra blanket and pillow. Emily curled up on the couch and was soon asleep. Gillian resumed her seat beside Cal's bed and watched the steady rise and fall of the monitor that recorded his heartbeat. Cal stirred slightly and she noticed his heart rate gradually increase. Over the next half hour he grew more and more restless and she thought she saw him grimace in his sleep. She assumed the pain medication was starting to wear off.

Finally, he opened his eyes with a soft groan and she reached out and took his hand, soothing him as he woke in confusion. "It's alright Cal. I'm here."

"Awww…I feel like I've been run down by a bus." He rubbed the heel of his hand against his eyes and winced. His voice was still very rough from the surgery and she mentally kicked herself for thinking that he sounded even sexier than he normally did.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"She asked, concerned by his more rapid heartbeat and elevated blood pressure.

"Nahh…Only hurts when I breathe, love." He coughed slightly and couldn't suppress a groan.

"I'm calling a nurse." Gillian reached for the call button but Cal's hand stopped her.

"I'm not ready to pass back out just yet, Gillian." He protested stubbornly.

"You're in pain, Cal. They can give you something." She wasn't sure if she wanted him to take the medication more for her sake or for his. She could almost feel his pain each time he shifted uncomfortably and she hated seeing him like this.

"How's Emily?" he asked.

She leaned closer to him so their voices wouldn't wake Em, who was still sleeping peacefully on the couch. "Asleep, thank god. I thought she was going to punch the nurse that told her she had to go home for the night."

"That's my girl." He smiled and her heart nearly melted at the pride on his face.

"She's her father's daughter." Gillian smiled and stroked his shoulder but felt tears gathering inexplicably behind her eyes.

He reached a hand up to gently brush her cheek. "What's this now? Did I die and no one tell me? Why the tears darling?" He smiled gently at her.

She wiped at her cheeks angrily. "I don't know. Relief I guess? It's been a long day, Cal, " she sniffed and smiled at him through her tears.

"Come here." He shifted slightly to the side and patted the open spot next to him on the bed.

"I don't think I should Cal, I don't want to hurt you."She didn't want to admit to herself or to Cal how much she desperately needed his comforting embrace at the moment.

"I trust you'll be extra careful then. Just stay away from this," he gestured to his abdomen which she could see was covered in bulky dressings beneath his gown.

"Five minutes and then I'm calling the nurse."

"Ten minutes and I'll be begging you to call her, love. I just want a clear head for a few minutes more. Come on then."He moved over a bit further.

She sat on the edge of the bed and shifted to her side, carefully aligning her body with his as she rested her head against his shoulder. She placed a hand gently on his chest as he stroked her hair. "Is this okay?" she asked, concerned for his comfort.

"Better than any medicine in the world, love," he whispered.

The words unspoken in the silence between them drowned out the noises of the hospital around them. As Gillian breathed in his familiar comforting scent and felt his chest rise and fall slowly with each breath, she realized that the contentment she felt lying next to him really was the simplest thing she had ever known.


	6. Chapter 6

**I didn't have a good stopping point for this chapter and it's mostly transitional ( though I do admit to being particularly proud of characterization here). If I move into the next section it was going to get way too long, but the good news is, that means Chapter 7 is already well on it's way to being written so will be posted tomorrow if all goes well. Comforttiems are on the way!**

**Still Don't own Lie To Me but I miss it as if it were my own, does that count?**

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><p>"God you can be such a tremendous jackass sometimes," Gillian rolled her eyes at Cal.<p>

"Why? Because I don't feel like being a zombie for any longer than I have to?" Cal argued

"You're in pain, Cal. Stop being stubborn."

"I'm sorry? Did I miss the part where you were the one who just had surgery? How am I supposed to harass them into letting me out of this Petri dish if I can't stay awake for more than five minutes?" he argued.

It had been less than 24 hours since Cal came out of surgery and, while Gillian could tell he was still in quite a bit of discomfort whenever his pain medication began to wear off, he had been asking for it less and less often, waiting until his hurting became unbearable before finally giving in. He had also become increasingly recalcitrant each time a nurse or aid came in to change his bandages or take his vitals. Finally, the doctor came in on late rounds to assess him.

"I hear you've been giving your nurses quite a hard time Dr. Lightman. I hope that means you're feeling better?" he raised an eyebrow as he consulted Cal's chart.

"If I say yes, does that mean you'll sign my walking papers?" Cal tried.

"Everything I'm looking at says that you're doing remarkably well. I'd like to take a look at your incision sites but I'd say that, barring any changes, we could look at discharge first thing in the morning."

He moved toward Cal who pulled his hospital gown from around his shoulders.

Cal looked meaningfully at Gillian who had moved to his other side."Sure you want to stay for this, love?" he asked, searching her face.

She nodded, "I'm going to have to see it sooner or later Cal. I'd like to know what I signed up for."

"Right, do your worst then doctor." Cal moved his gown aside to reveal the dressings that covered his abdomen.

Gillian rested her hand on Cal's bare upper arm as the doctor pulled gently at the tape and removed the gauze pads one by one to uncover three small, sutured incisions; one on Cal's right side, one just below his navel, and one about 3 inches below the second. The last was just above a thin line of dark hair that disappeared into the waistband of the briefs he wore. She felt a blush rise in her cheeks as she contemplated that pale expanse of skin and fought to keep herself from looking away, ashamed of her sudden flush of inappropriate arousal.

"Everything looks very good." He pressed gently against Cal's stomach. "How's your pain level?"

"Tolerable when you're not pokin' me," Cal winced.

"I see no signs of infection at this point and the incisions look dry. I'd still like you keep you on IV antibiotics for the next 12 hours as a precaution." He re-secured the gauze dressings.

"Don't they make pills for that?" Cal pressed.

"They do," the doctor admitted, "but IV antibiotics are more effective at fighting infection."

"Let me ask you this," Cal cocked his head and looked at the Doctor critically, "How many cases of pneumonia do you have on this floor alone right now? Influenza? How many cases of staphylococcus or worse yet, MRSA have you seen patients leave here with in the last year who had no infection coming in?"

Gillian saw the doctor's eyes dart to the right quickly and his shoulders hitch uncomfortably.

"I thought so." Cal swung his legs over the edge of the bed with a grimace. "Now tell me truthfully whether my chances for infection are greater in my own home where I can get a good night's sleep in a clean bed or in this place with three dozen Typhoid Marys just waiting to cough in my direction?"

"It's highly unlikely that…"

"Oh, save me the official line doc. Where would you want to be if you were me?" Cal interrupted.

The doctor pursed his lips and finally turned to Gillian. "Is he always like this?"

"You have no idea," Gillian sighed.

He looked at Cal grudgingly, shoulders sagging under his patient's critical gaze. "Fine, I'll write you prescriptions for pain medications and oral antibiotics. I assume you'll have someone who can help you at home?" He turned to Gillian.

"Unfortunately that pleasure is all mine." Gillian said, beginning to wonder how quickly Cal would make her regret her offer of assistance.

"I'll send the nurse in to give you thorough discharge instructions but I can't stress enough how important it is that you bring him into the emergency room at the slightest change in his condition. A slight fever is normal and can be expected as his body recovers from the trauma of surgery but anything over 100 degrees and I want him back here immediately." He turned to Cal. "Can you agree to that Dr. Lightman?"

Gillian cut off Cal before he got a chance to answer. "He agrees," she said firmly. She turned to Cal menacingly. "Either that or I call Zoe. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to come take care of you for the next few days. The choice is completely yours." She raised an eyebrow at Cal.

"Threatening me after I nearly died, Foster? And I thought we were friends." Cal flashed his eyes at her, delighting in having gotten his way at last.

She fought down a smile as the doctor left the room and turned to Cal. "If I'm going to do this Cal, you have to agree to listen to me if I tell you we need to come back here," she said seriously.

"I leave myself in your capable hands, love. I promise to be the model patient."

"Why don't I believe you?" She rolled her eyes.

"Because you're very perceptive," he grinned.

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><p>Gillian called Emily who had agreed, after much coaxing on Cal and Gillian's part, to go to school that day. She let her know Cal would be coming home so she didn't come to the hospital for the evening. Emily agreed to make sure Cal had clean sheets and extra pillows and to make up the guest room for Gillian.<p>

A nurse came in and unhooked Cal from his IV lines. She gave Gillian several prescriptions and a long list of discharge instructions, showing her how to change Cal's dressings and what to look for to know if the wounds were showing signs of infection.

"Dr. Lightman, you have internal sutures as well which will dissolve on their own but you'll need to see your primary care physician in approximately seven days to have the external ones removed. It's very important that you don't shower or bathe for the next forty eight hours; bed baths only. Just clean the area with mild soap and water and make sure you dry thoroughly. Any surgery is traumatic to the body and you'll find that you tire more easily for the next several days. If you don't want to wind up back here, it's important that you allow yourself to rest and not over do it. Any questions?" the nurse asked, looking from Cal to Gillian.

Gillian knew she would have a million questions when she actually got him home but couldn't think of one at the moment. She took all the paperwork and met Cal, who had been brought down in a wheelchair by an orderly, at the front entrance to the hospital.

She was amazed when Cal actually let her assist him in to car. He even looked at her gratefully when she reclined the seat to put less pressure on his incision sites. Perhaps he really didn't intend to make her life miserable for the next few days after all.

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><p><strong>More to come soon!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**It's a lovely rainy day where I live, perfect for fic writing so the odds of another chapter today are relatively high!**

**Still now word on my hostlie takeover attempt at FOX so I guess Lie To Me still isn't mine.**

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><p>Gillian made a stop at the pharmacy to fill Cal's prescriptions and buy extra supplies of gauze and tape. She wasn't sure if Cal had a thermometer so she bought one of those as well. She asked the pharmacist about an extra mild soap and threw that in her cart along with a plastic tub and soft sponge for bed baths (she tried not to dwell on how <em>that<em> whole situation was going to work itself out). She had almost reached the check out when she reconsidered and went to the freezer section to grab a pint of her favorite ice cream. Somehow she just knew that she would need the comforts of chocolate over the coming days and was certain Emily would appreciate it as well.

When she returned to the car with her purchases, she found that Cal had drifted off to sleep. She tried her best not to wake him but he roused as she gently shut her car door. He blinked sleepily at her and she smiled, trying to hide her concern. He remained quiet, a sure sign that he wasn't feeling well and she reached out a hand to his forehead. He shied away from her slightly but consented to Gillian's touch after she shot him a stern look. He didn't feel warm, but she didn't like his color. "Hey, everything alright?"

"Yeah," he said softly, "just totally knackered. Can't wait to crawl into bed."

He closed his eyes again and Gillian started the car, driving quickly toward Cal's house while watching him out of the corner of her eye. He flinched slightly at every bump in the pavement, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and she reached out to take his hand. "You're taking something as soon as you get home," she said firmly.

"No argument here," his voice sounded slightly strained.

"That's a first." She tried to lighten the mood, but his soft chuckle ended in a low groan. She drove as quickly as she could while trying to avoid sharp turns and sudden stops. Still, it was another fifteen minutes before they arrived back at Cal's house where Emily bounded down the front steps to meet them. Gillian watched Em's excitement turn to concern as she helped Cal out of the car and up the steps.

Once inside, Emily followed Cal up to his room while Gillian sorted out the supplies. She found water in the refrigerator and poured a tall glass, hurrying upstairs with the medication. As she reached Cal's room, Emily was just coming out and Gillian saw lines of worry etched across her face.

"He should be in a hospital Gillian," Emily said anxiously.

"I know sweetheart," Gillian said softly, "try convincing him of that."

"You know I can hear you right?" Cal called from the bedroom.

"Good," Gillian and Emily said in unison.

Emily smiled up at Gillian. "I'm going to go and make dinner."

"I'll only be a little while. He just needs to get some rest." Gillian placed a comforting hand on Emily's shoulder.

"Some beans on toast would be lovely Em," Cal's disembodied voice called.

Emily stuck her head back through the door. "You get broth and _maybe_ dry toast if you're especially good." She walked quickly to the stairs, ignoring a string of protests from Cal.

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><p>Cal had piled up the extra pillows on the bed so that he lay propped up with his hands resting on his chest. His breathing was slightly shallow and his brow creased in discomfort.<p>

Gillian moved in to sit lightly on the bed beside him, setting the glass of water on the night table as she opened the pill bottles and handed Cal the maximum dose of his pain meds. He sat up to take the pills and she could see how even that little effort cost him dearly.

"Shit," he said as he relaxed back against the bed, drawing a hand over his eyes.

"Don't wait so long next time," she said soothingly, reaching out to gently stroke the side of his face. It was so difficult to see him struggle against something he couldn't control. Cal's constant strength and perseverance were things she had clung to and depended on more times than she cared to admit to herself. She wanted to give that same steadfast support to him but she wasn't sure she knew how; wasn't sure he would let her in.

Uncomfortable with the ache slowly forming in her chest, she moved to go, only to feel Cal's fingers grasp tentatively at her arm.

"Stay?" It wasn't a demand, simply a question, but there was no denying the need in his voice. "Please Gill."

Her heart twisted at the thought of what it must have cost him to say that one simple word; of how much he must truly need her if he was willing to ask.

"You need to rest. You'll feel better as soon as the meds kick in," she said, trying to hide her sudden discomfort.

"I always feel better when you're here, love," he said drowsily.

How could she argue against that?

She smiled and quickly kicked off her shoes, moving around to his left side. She grabbed a quilt from the end of the bed and spread it over him as she crept slowly onto the bed, careful not to create too much movement. As she had done in the hospital that first night, she curled up along his body, tucking herself beneath his shoulder. She felt him turn his head and brush her hairline with a gentle kiss.

"Thank you," he murmured sleepily.

Gillian hadn't realized how utterly exhausted she was both emotionally and physically. Now that she was lying down in a comfortable bed with Cal's warmth surrounding her, she found it impossible to keep her eyelids from fluttering closed. Unable to stay awake, she let herself be lulled into sleep by Cal's deep even breathing and the feel of his heart beating steadily beneath her palm.

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><p>Emily crept slowly upstairs. The silence that had fallen over the house in the last half hour was reassuring but she wanted to let Gillian know that dinner was ready and see if her dad wanted anything to eat.<p>

As she took in the scene in Cal's bedroom however, she realized that dinner could wait. She smiled broadly at the sight of Gillian curled up next to Cal atop his blankets, both sleeping soundly. The comfort they found in each other's arms was plain on both their faces even in slumber and she wished she could capture it for them. She couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on such an intimate moment. Silently, she took an extra blanket from the back of a chair and draped it gently over Gillian who didn't even stir. Emily flipped off the light and closed the door. She found it impossible not to wonder if the next few days would bring the change she so desperately wanted for both of them.

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><p><em>awww...wonder what the morning will bring for our heros? Could be bedbathtiems ;-)<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Phew...This was a bit of a long one. I don't think I have to change the rating on this one _quite_ yet but it will definitely happen in the next chapter so yo will have to look for this on the M page next time. Don't worry...this will not be an ATTHS piece but things will bet a tad more adult in nature.**

***special note* It's late and I'm tired and I didn't take the time to go through this as thoroughly as I usually do once uploaded to the site so if you find an error, just try to ignore it or let me know and I'll fix it.**

***Insert standard disclaimer here***

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><p>Cal Lightman was dreaming. At least he felt like he was dreaming. He felt the pleasantly warm weight of an undeniably female form pressed against him and a soft and familiar delightfully floral scent surrounded him and filled his nostrils with each slow breath.<p>

He opened his eyes in darkness broken only by the soft red glow of his bedside clock which told him, if this truly was reality, that he had awoken at an ungodly hour in the morning. His head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton and he rubbed at his eyes in the dim light, trying to shake his confusion.

He suspected what had woken him was the dull throbbing ache returning to his belly. The pain was unpleasant but certainly not unbearable. He needed to use the bathroom but he knew movement would make him more uncomfortable and he wanted to dwell in the wonderful world of his waking dream where Gillian's head rested lightly against his shoulder and her soft warm breath tickled his neck.

After a few moments of blissful peace in her arms, Cal reluctantly reached out a hand and gently stroked Gillian's hair. She shifted against him with a soft sleepy moan and he pressed his lips to her forehead, muttering her name softly as her eyes fluttered open and she took a moment to remember how she had found her way into his bed.

"Hey," he whispered gruffly.

"Hey," she smiled, closing her eyes as she stretched lazily. "I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep."

"Nothing to be sorry for, you must have been exhausted." He watched as she sat up, straightening her shirt and running her fingers through her hair.

"What time is it? Can I get you anything?" Gillian squinted at the clock.

"It's early. Em doesn't get up for school for another hour at least. I could murder a cup of tea if you're willing. Unless of course you'd like to sleep some more?" He sat up slowly, noting that the three focal points of tenderness definitely ached in a less sharply painful way than the night before. He hoped it was a sign of things to come.

"Hmmm? No, actually I slept incredibly well." She paused for a moment, fussing with the rumpled bedspread before deciding to tell him what was on her mind. "I almost forgot how good it felt to sleep next to someone," she confessed sadly.

"Well let me tell you, love, the next time I opt for superfluous organ removal I'll absolutely be calling you," he chided, pushing himself slowly to his feet with a grunt.

"I'll get the tea and then you're getting back in bed." It came out more sternly than she had intended.

"Yes mum. As long as you're getting back in with me." He looked at her hopefully.

"What about Emily? I wouldn't want her to get the wrong impression." She had to admit, the idea of crawling back beneath the covers was appealing.

"What? You think she hasn't had the wrong impression for years? She knows her dad." Cal walked stiffly toward the door to the bathroom.

Gillian blushed at his implication. "You mean she thinks we're..?" she couldn't say the last word.

"Lovers? Wouldn't doubt it, love. 'Course she thinks I'm shagging every woman I toss a second glance at. Then again, half the time she's right." He raised an eyebrow at her knowingly.

"You're disgusting." She rolled her eyes as she turned away and fought down a smile.

"Bloody right," Cal called after her.

* * *

><p>Gillian rattled in Cal's cupboards and eventually found everything she needed for tea. She also made toast for both of them since neither had eaten since the previous afternoon.<p>

Realizing that it was also time for him to take more medication and have his bandages changed, she grabbed what she needed for that as well. She piled everything on a tray and walked carefully back upstairs. The odd domesticity of her current situation with Cal didn't escape her notice and what disturbed her most was that it somehow felt so natural.

When she arrived back in the bedroom she found that Cal had changed into a fresh pair of plaid pajama bottoms and his standard black t-shirt. He was lying back against the pillows with his shirt raised, pulling at the tape around his bandages. "Hey, let me do that," she scolded him.

"I was just getting it started," he said in a slightly guilty voice, like a child who had been caught being bad.

She set the tray down on the bedside table carefully and handed Cal a glass of water and some pills. He looked at her suspiciously.

"Don't," she said seriously. "I can't watch you be in pain like you were last night. It's only half the dose of last time. If you'd take it regularly you wouldn't have to take so much."

He grumbled something into the palm of his hand as he popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed. "Happy?" he asked grudgingly as he set down the half full glass of water.

"Yes," she smiled, opening three packages containing bulky gauze pads. She turned to Cal and he held her eyes as she reached for the bottom of his shirt. She couldn't explain why her face felt hot as she pushed up the fabric. Her fingers grazed his ribs lightly and he flinched. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" she asked, immediately concerned.

"Not exactly, love." He said in a tight voice.

She blushed, concentrating on removing the tape from around his dressings. Luckily his pale skin was smooth and free of hair which made the process much less painful for him. When all the dressings had been removed, she inspected each incision carefully. They were all slightly pink but none showed the redness or inflammation the nurse had warned her to look for and they looked dry. She went to the bathroom and filled the small tub she had purchased with warm water and retrieved a clean washcloth and fluffy towel from the linen closet.

One thing she could say about Cal was that his bathroom was cleaner and more organized than that of most men she had known.

She studied Cal as she walked back into the room. He had removed his shirt and now lay back against the pillows with his eyes closed. She reached over him and set the tub of warm water on his left side, dipping in the washcloth and wringing it out thoroughly before applying a small amount of the special soap she had purchased.

She looked up at Cal as she worked the soap into the washcloth. He was watching her from beneath his heavy lids but remained silent as he followed her every move. The fact that he wasn't protesting her ministrations made her nervous for some reason and she was disturbed to notice her hands trembling slightly as she placed the soft cloth gently against his belly.

She began with the stitches on his right side. She moved the cloth slowly against his ribs and then dabbed lightly at the actual incision. Cal flinched slightly and drew a hissing breath. "I'm sorry," she said, drawing the cloth away quickly.

"S'alright," he breathed, "just stings a little, otherwise it feels good."

She dipped the cloth in the warm water again and resumed washing away the sticky residue left by the tape. As she switched to the two incisions below his navel, Cal's breathing grew shallower and she was conscious of the fact that her hand containing the washcloth brushed dangerously close to the seam of his pajama bottoms.

She looked up to find that Cal had pressed his head back into the pillows and closed his eyes. His jaw was set and his brow knit in concentration. Worried that she was causing him pain, she resolved to finish quickly. When she picked up the bulky towel and gently began to pat dry his lower abdomen, he shifted beneath her uncomfortably and she quickly saw the reason for his pained expression.

She drew an involuntary breath and turned away, blushing furiously. She reached for the clean gauze with shaking hands and turned back to Cal only to find him looking at her intently. "I'm sorry," she said awkwardly, "I didn't mean to…" Her eyes darted involuntarily toward the evidence of Cal's obvious arousal and she felt the blush rise even higher in her cheeks.

"I'm the one who's sorry, love. I was hoping it wouldn't be an issue, but these things have a mind of their own you know." He smiled an almost shy grin, "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think I could do anything about it if I tried."

She couldn't find words so she quickly placed the gauze and secured it with tape.

"I can do that you know," Cal said as she finished the first area.

She looked down and bit her lip, then looked resolutely back up at Cal. "I want to," she said quietly, resting her palm against his left side, just above his swelling erection, "unless it bothers you."

"No," he said steadily, "it doesn't bother me."

When she had secured the last bandage she placed a hand in the center of his chest and slowly raised her head to meet his eyes.

He covered her hand with his and reached out to stroke her cheek with his thumb. "Gillian…" he said quietly.

"Don't," she stopped him. "Not yet, alright?" She didn't know what he had planned to say but she knew she couldn't possibly add one more thing to the complex mix of emotions already swirling inside her.

"Alright, love. How about tea then?" he placed a finger beneath her chin and smiled at her.

"Tea would be good," she sighed.

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><p>An hour later, Emily awoke to the sound of muffled giggling drifting down the hall. She padded out of her room and down the hall where she gently knocked on the door to Cal's room.<p>

"Come in," Cal called in an amused tone.

Emily pushed open the door and took in the scene in front of her. Cal was propped up against a stack of pillows sipping at a cup of tea. Gillian sat cross legged on the bed with her back to the door and appeared to be wearing a pair of Cal's plaid pajama bottoms. She turned and smiled warmly at Emily as she entered the room.

"What's going on?" Emily said suspiciously.

"Nothing darling, just talking about some old cases. You want a cup of tea?" Cal asked, gesturing to the nearly empty pot.

"I take it you're feeling better then?" she asked, leaning against the door frame.

"A bit, yeah. You getting ready for school?"

"I was about to. I was wondering if I should still go to debate practice after classes today but since you seem to be doing better, I assume it's okay?" She looked from Cal to Gillian.

"Of course, darling. I'll be fine, Cal assured her.

"I'll call you right away if there are any problems Em, you know that. Do you want me to make dinner?" Gillian asked.

"That would be great actually. It would be nice to have a _normal_ meal around here every once in awhile." She tossed an amused glare at Cal.

"Hey, watch that mouth, love, or you'll be cooking every night."

Emily came in and bent to quickly hug Cal. He kissed the top of her head lightly and stroked her hair. "Be good," she said, before coming around to Gillian to whom she gave a lingering embrace, squeezing tightly. "Thank you so much Gillian," she whispered before bounding out the door to get dressed for school.

Gillian was slightly stunned by the girl's exuberant affection and felt tears spring to her eyes unbidden as she looked up a Cal.

"My god, she's so amazing," Gillian whispered in a choked voice.

"I know. I feel that way almost every day," he confessed.

Gillian looked down at her hands as a powerful wave of emotion swept through her, forcing the tears down her cheeks.

"Hey, come here, love." Cal's voice was gentle as he patted the bed next to him.

She eagerly crawled up beside him and buried her face in his chest, allowing him to wrap a comforting arm around her shoulders. "I always wanted one of those, you know?" she whispered softly.

"Shhhh..." he cooed softly against her hair, stroking her back in slow circles as her breath hitched.

When her tears finally stopped, he pressed his lips to her forehead. "You know you can borrow her anytime you want, love. You'll just have to chip in for meals and college tuition."

Gillian chuckled despite herself. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be taking care of you?" she sighed.

"It works both ways, darling," Cal murmured. "It works both ways."

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><p><em>This was a tough one for me. i actually got a little teary at the end myself...More of bedbathtiems to come.<em>


	9. Chapter 9

**Smut smut smutty smut smut. Please note the rating change. If it's not your thing, skip this chapter, you won't be too far behind. Otherwise DO NOT read this chapter anywhere where squirming in your chair will be uncomfortable. Just sayin. You've been warned.**

***Standard disclainer 'cause I'm spent after writing this to be witty***

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><p>Gillian arched her back as skilled hands caressed her; sought out every spot that made her writhe in the grip of agonizingly sweet pleasure. Her nipples burned beneath the rough palms of Cal's hands and her sex throbbed painfully in time with the rapid beat of her heart. She pressed her thighs together as his lips devoured hers and she tried desperately to find release from the tight heat of her own desire. She wanted Cal's hands on her there but no matter how much she begged, it seemed her pleas went unanswered. His body caressed hers in every way but the one she needed so badly. Her body was tense with the need for relief and in desperation she reached a hand between her tightly clenched thighs, stroking her clit in a practiced rhythm that soon had her moaning out Cal's name as his lips muffled her cries.<p>

* * *

><p>Cal woke suddenly when Gillian moved next to him. Light streamed in through the curtained windows and it appeared to be early afternoon. They had both fallen asleep again and she seemed to be dreaming. Her hand was clenched in a tight fist against his chest and he moved to wake her for fear she was having a nightmare. As he shifted slightly, he noticed the pattern of her breathing. She had begun to breathe in rapid shallow breaths and when he looked at her face it was drawn in a tight mask of concentration. She writhed slightly, her hips pressing rhythmically against him and he suppressed a deep moan as he realized what was really going on. When she began to make small noises of pleasure in the back of her throat he gasped at the surge of heat that brought his cock to a sudden and painfully throbbing erection. He cursed his own body's betrayal and wished that his recent surgery had had at least a temporary effect on that particular reflex.<p>

Gillian was mumbling incoherently as her body became more rigid until one syllable suddenly rang out clearly.

"Cal!"

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><p>The sound of her own echoing voice woke Gillian and she bolted upright in bed, heart hammering wildly in her chest as her sleep and lust filled brain adjusted to reality.<p>

Realizing she had been dreaming she collapsed in frustration against the pillows and tried to slow her breathing. She squirmed uncomfortably and tried to ignore the pulse of arousal that still beat an aching tempo between her thighs.

Turning her head, her heart fluttered in her throat when she found Cal's eyes burning into her with unchecked desire.

"Hey there," he whispered in a thick voice.

"Cal…what..?" she fought for something; anything that might explain what was happening at the moment.

"You talk in your sleep, love. Or moan at least. I'd say that was a very _naughty _dream you were having, darling." He looked at her with knowing eyes.

She turned away, unable to meet his gaze as she flushed with embarrassment. He reached out a hand, running his fingers slowly up her arm and she trembled violently.

"You still seem awfully tense though so I can't have been _that_ good. Tell me Gillian; tell me how I touched you. Tell me what I did that made you ache so much you were going to come in your dream for me." His voice was pure lust and did nothing to diminish the tiny tremors in her sex. He rolled onto his left side, still supported by the pillows.

"Cal…"

"I liked the way you said it before much better, love." His fingers traced the outline of her collar bone.

"You're going to hurt yourself," she warned, even as she turned her head to allow him to stroke the back of his hand against her neck.

"Relax, love, I don't intend to do more than I can handle, much as I wish I could." He leaned toward her ear slightly. "Will you touch yourself for me?" he whispered.

Eyes that had drifted closed to the soothing caress of his fingers flew open and she looked at him in surprise. She could see immediately that he was deadly serious. His fingers traced her jaw and she bit her lip, her desire warring with her better judgment. The undiminished throbbing between her thighs demanded attention and when Cal's hand moved down suddenly to slide across her breast, the friction of her t-shirt against her swollen nipple helped push her better judgment aside.

She raised her hips and pushed her borrowed pajama pants down, revealing a pair of black satin hipsters. With a last deep breath she drown her remaining hesitation in Cal's eyes and pulled her t-shirt over her head.

She turned toward him and flushed when she saw the open appreciation in his gaze. In her heightened state of arousal, she wanted nothing more than to feel his lips sliding roughly against hers, to finally learn what it felt like to be tasted by him; to be filled by him. Circumstances being what they were however, she settled for the tender touch of his thumb sweeping against her lips as she parted for him.

Her hand swept over her abdomen, tracing slow circles against her own flesh as he inserted his thumb between her teeth. She flicked at the rough pad with her tongue, imagining that she was lapping at the velvet of his mouth.

She raised her knees as his hand moved to her breast, his moistened thumb stroking her taut nipple. Her hands stroked her thighs and she felt her desire quickly racing back to the point she had achieved only a short time before.

Cal pinched her nipple at the exact moment she touched her clit and a bolt of electricity shot through her causing her to arch off the bed. His hand continued to work the sensitive flesh of her breasts and he began to whisper encouragement against her shoulder.

"You look so beautiful when you do that, darling. Show me how you like to touch yourself when you think of me," he said in a throaty voice.

She quickly dipped two fingers inside of herself, imagining how Cal's cock would feel sliding in and out of her body. She ground her clit against the heel of her hand, circling her hips in a familiar rhythm.

"That's it Gill, touch yourself like you want me to touch you." he urged her.

She drove her fingers deeper, bringing her other hand to her clit as she began to approach climax. She was so close but the edge was just eluding her. She moaned in frustration, concentrating on the pleasure building and building and she stroked deeper; pressed harder, but still couldn't bring herself to orgasm even though she was nearly overwhelmed by the eroticism of what they were doing.

She looked at Cal with lust glazed eyes. "I need you," she pleaded. She removed her hand from her clit and grasped his, placing it just at the top of her sparse curls. "Please," she gasped.

She curled her fingers around his bicep. The musky fragrance of her sex reached him and he breathed her in as he moved his fingers lower.

She cried out loudly the moment he came into contact with her clit and she pressed into his hand, her nails digging roughly into the flesh of his upper arm. She still had her fingers inside herself and his hand brushed against hers, mimicking her rhythm.

"Come for me, darling," he whispered as she tossed her head back and forth against the pillow. "Come for me Gillian." He pressed against her with everything he had and sank his teeth into her shoulder as her hands shook uncontrollably.

Cal's hand against her was all she needed. The moment he touched her it was as if a switch was flipped and the first fluttering of orgasm began way up between her shoulders, electrifying her spine until mind numbing pleasure spread through every limb. She whimpered his name; heard the animalistic cry that echoed off the walls of his room as she came.

He wanted to hold her as her body trembled and convulsed with pleasure. He cursed the tenderness in his belly that told him it would be a very bad idea. Instead he stroked her face gently and wiped away the tear that trailed down the side of her cheek, waiting for her breathing to quiet.

She wanted to open her eyes but somehow couldn't find the energy. Her arms felt as if they were weighed down with lead and her legs had collapsed against the bed under their own weight. Finally with great effort she forced her lids open and found Cal looking at her with an expression she had no name for.

"That was…" he tried, actually seeming to be at a loss for words.

"Unexpected?" she suggested.

"That too. Let me tell you one thing: I am thanking whatever God you want to choose for the invention of the appendix right now." He smiled down at her.

She covered her eyes with her hands shyly. "I suppose this does add a new twist to our friendship doesn't it?" she said, peeking out from beneath her fingers.

He laughed; a pleasant sound from the back of his throat that she could definitely grow accustomed to. "A twist it might be, love, but it's certainly a welcome one."

The conviction in his voice astounded her. She wished that she could be nearly as sure adding intimacy to the complicated dance that was their eight year friendship and partnership was really the right move for either of them.

She hoped that her uncertainty didn't show as she raised herself up on rubbery arms and placed her mouth to his. She sighed as she gave up her doubts for the moment to enjoy the welcoming embrace of his lips.

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><p><em>Am I safe in saying we all needed that as much as Gill did? <em>


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for being patient! The story is not forgotten, but real life called me away for a few days! Making it u with a bit longer chater this time. Just a warning, in every good fic, some angst must fall. We're not quite there yet but there are little glimpses of the road ahead!**

**~For Lightwoman who postponed her bedtime a whole 15 minutes just for me~**

**Still no word on Lie to Me. *sigh* Can we fast forward to May already? I can't take this tension.**

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><p>The afternoon was waning into evening when Gillian and Cal finally decided to emerge from the bedroom that had become their otherworldly haven. Gillian had allowed herself the luxury of lying naked in Cal's arms as he lazily stroked her back and combed his fingers through her hair while they talked softly in the dimming light. She had never imagined he would be so gentle; so concerned about what she wanted and needed. She tried to fit this part of him to the street wise half criminal and found that the two melded together more easily in her mind than she had imagined.<p>

She thought of the times he had held her, comforted her, protected her and realized that inside she had craved this intimate touch as much as she had feared it. She should feel wrong allowing him to touch her like this, to see her wanton and crying out and needing him as she had been but even though every thought was edged with fear of what her momentary weakness would ultimately mean for their friendship and their partnership, she couldn't bring herself to move from his embrace. Finally, when she realized that Emily could come home any moment and find them in their current compromising position, she grudgingly forfitted the comforts of Cal's bed and quickly showered while Cal washed his face and checked his dressings.

Once downstairs she used the few moments of alone time to check in with Loker on the activities at the office. Overall it sounded as if things were under control but they had a couple sticky meetings with potential clients coming up that worried Gillian. She looked up as Cal entered the room and quickly brought her conversation with Loker to a close.

"Just fill me in if anything changes. You know where I'll be. Oh, and Loker," she said looking at Cal and added something as an afterthought, "first one to even think about calling him or sending him an email will answer to me. You know I'm not even kind of kidding." She pressed end and tossed her phone on the counter.

Cal was looking at her with a steady penetrating gaze.

"No," she said sharply, anticipating the inevitable.

"Gillian…"he said in that low voice he used when he intended to press and press until he got his way.

"I'm handling it Cal. Let it go." Her voice was stern as she crossed her arms beneath her breasts, unwilling to be swayed.

"Just promise me that I'll have a bloody company left when this is all done," he said, coming around to pin her against the counter.

"I guess you're just going to have to trust me," she said putting her hands up against his chest as he leaned forward and attempted to nuzzle her neck. "Hey, Emily will be home any minute and you're supposed to be on the couch, remember? You promised if I let you come down here while I made dinner that you would rest."

"I am resting," he said, ignoring her protests as he nipped at her ear, knowing she wouldn't shove him away for fear of hurting him.

"You need to stop," she said, even as her hands slid up his shoulders and she closed her eyes, delighting in the feel of his soft lips against her sensitive flesh. She had fought so hard and for so long against her desires for him. Now that she'd had the tiniest taste, she realized that it was a very good thing she hadn't given in before.

The sound of the front door banging open startled her and she moved her hands back to Cal's chest, pushing him away gently but firmly as Emily came into the kitchen. There was no way Emily hadn't noticed their closeness and Gillian spun back to face the counter, trying to cover the blush that painted her cheeks.

"What's going on?" Emily said suspiciously.

"I was just making dinner actually. That and trying to get your dad to go back and lie down like he promised he would."Gillian focused on tossing the salad vigorously.

"Come on love, you didn't really believe that was going to happen did you?" Cal chided.

Emily looked silently from Cal to Gillian as a smile slowly spread over her face.

"What?" Cal's eyes narrowed as he took in his daughter's expression.

"Nothing," she shook her head, "I'm just heading up to my room to do some homework." Emily's grin was triumphant as she stood on tiptoe to kiss Cal's cheek and then hugged Gillian warmly. "Call me when dinner's ready." She bounded up the stairs leaving Gillian and Cal starring after her in stunned silence.

"You don't think she knows?" Gillian asked.

"Nahh…she's just excited about her homework."

"I think she knows." Gillian sighed.

"Yeah, she absolutely knows." Cal grinned. "Dinner smells lovely by the way. 'Course after eating broth and toast for the last two days I could eat my cat." He leaned over Gillian's shoulder as the sound of Emily's footsteps disappeared upstairs and sniffed at the pot of pasta sauce she was stirring.

"You don't have a cat. And don't get too excited. _You_ get boiled chicken and plain brown rice. You just had abdominal surgery and my instructions say 'bland diet for the first 72 hours'. "

"You really are here to torture me aren't you?" he whined.

"I just don't want to have to coddle you while you're doubled over with stomach cramps," she said matter-of-factly. "Now go lie down until it's ready or I'm going back to the broth." She pointed in the direction of the couch with her spoon.

"You know I like it when you're all bossy, Foster," he growled in her ear as his hand grazed her backside.

"Couch, Cal," she said, trying to keep the smile from her voice.

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><p>A half hour later they had gathered around the Lightman dining room table.<p>

Gillian sat back and watched quietly as Cal grilled Emily on the events of her day and made her recite the major points of her debate on health care reform. She couldn't help smiling at the comfortable banter between the two and, while she felt included in the discussion, she was perfectly content to maintain her silent observation of the familiar tete-a-tete between father and daughter.

"So what did you two do today?" Emily asked, changing the subject.

Gillian quickly took a gulp of her wine to avoid answering and busied herself with her food. Cal, however, was right on top of it without missing a beat.

"Oh, you know, slept a bit, watched a film. Gillian took care of most everything. 'Course she did let me lend a hand now and again." His face was perfectly straight as he took a bite of his chicken.

Gillian, however, nearly choked on a forkful of rice and quickly covered her mouth with her napkin.

"Something wrong, darling?" Cal asked innocently.

"No, nothing," Gillian coughed, "just a little warm." She took another gulp of wine and kept her eyes focused downward.

Emily looked from one to the other. "Oh you two are so obvious. You'd think deception experts would be much better liars." She rolled her eyes and took her dishes to the sink before returning to Cal and hugging him.

"I'm going to finish my homework. I'm glad you're feeling better but don't stay up too late," she scolded.

"Remind me never to get ill again. Between the two of you mothering me it'll be a wonder if I survive with half my dignity intact," he complained.

Gill studied Cal's face as Emily left the room. Though he was acting much more like himself, she could tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he was covering how tired he really was. He had pushed more food around on his plate than he had actually eaten and she silently cursed herself for allowing him to overdo it.

"You look tired," she said quietly as she reached out and covered his hand with hers.

"I suppose I am a bit. Back is killing me though; I'm not used to lying about so much."He shifted slightly in his chair.

"Why don't you relax on the couch while I clean up and then I'll see what I can do to help," she squeezed his hand gently, relieved that he would actually admit to needing something for once.

He looked at her gratefully with tired eyes and she could see that he had definitely come to the end of the afternoon's short burst of energy. Without any further argument he retired to the living room and she quickly cleaned what remained of the mess in the kitchen, making short work of putting up leftovers and wiping countertops.

When she had finished she took two clean kitchen towels and soaked them in warm water. She then placed them in a large plastic bowl and microwaved them for a short time until they steamed slightly when she removed them.

She carried the bowl to the living room where she found Cal stretched out on the couch with his feet up; an arm flung up to cover his eyes. She hesitated for a moment at the threshold of the room. As she watched the steady rise and fall of Cal's chest, she felt completely twisted by the conflicting emotions swirling inside of her.

He groaned softly and rubbed a hand over his eyes and she moved quickly to his side setting the bowl of warm towels on the table beside him.

"Back still bothering you?" she asked, placing a hand to his shoulder.

"If by bothering you mean feeling as though I've been trampled by a herd of Bison, then yeah," he said with a tight smile.

"Can you stand up for a minute?" she asked.

"What exactly have you got in mind?"

"Just trust me. I think you'll like it." She smiled and put a hand beneath his elbow to help him up.

"Aye, Aye," he said in a low voice, "I like the sound of that, love."

When Cal was standing she sat down in the spot he had vacated and stretched out one leg along the back edge of the couch. She encouraged Cal to sit in the area just in front of her, leaving some space between their bodies.

When he had found a somewhat comfortable position, she placed her hands softly on his shoulders and took a deep breath, sliding her hands slowly down his back until she reached the bottom of his shirt. With slightly shaky hands, she pushed the material up until he could drag it over his head.

"I have to say, I like where this is going so far," he said over his shoulder.

"Just relax," she whispered as her hand trailed down the bare skin of his back. She reached for the steaming bowl and picked up one of the towels, wringing out the excess water before placing it directly against Cal's lower back. She held it in place, pushing in gently with the heels of her hands directly on either side of his spine.

"Oh Christ," he groaned, leaning back into her hands, "that feels bloody amazing."

She rotated her hands in small circles, gradually feeling Cal's muscles become more pliable as the moist heat soaked in and relaxed them. Each time she pressed into him he let out a soft low moan, the timbre of which vibrated up through her arms and sent tiny shivers straight to her spine.

When she felt the heat leaving the first towel she replaced it with the second, moving slightly lower this time. "Better?" she asked?

"You have no idea," he growled, pressing harder into her supporting palms.

When she had exhausted the heat of the second towel she placed a pillow behind Cal's lower back for support and urged him to lean back into her slightly. She ran her hands across the freckled skin of his shoulders and placed her fingers gently below his hairline. With a light touch she kneaded the smaller muscles of his neck, working out the tension she felt there.

With practiced hands she systematically massaged his shoulders and mid back until her own hands ached. She closed her eyes as she ran her hands lightly over his skin, smoothing away the last of the tension from his spine, concentrating on the friction of his flesh sliding against her palms. She memorized the feeling of each inch of him, committing the moment to memory. The man truly had a lovely back.

Finally, unable to resist, she leaned forward and placed her lips to the base of his neck, just between his shoulders as he relaxed against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck placing her palms against his chest and scooted under him slightly, pulling him back until his head rested just at her collar bone.

She couldn't help the contented sigh that escaped her at the comfortingly solid feeling of his body resting against hers as her fingers drew slow circles across his skin.

"What is it, love?" Cal murmured. His eyes remained closed but he reached a hand up to cover hers.

She was quiet for a moment, trying to find a way to put into words what had been bothering her for the last two days. "I didn't imagine it like this," she said softly, struggling to get the words out.

"You mean you didn't imagine having to play wet nurse and babysitter to your business partner?"

"You know that's not what I mean Cal. I didn't imagine I would...like this so much. That we could ever just be…silent together." She meant more than that but the words would not come.

"It doesn't always have to be a verbal sparring match Gill. You should know me better by now." His tone seemed somewhat injured.

"I know Cal," she sighed, "but it often is. I'm afraid to get used to this. I'm afraid to want it," she admitted. "Do you honestly think the thought of what would happen if we ever became intimate never crossed my mind all this time?"

"I think you're confused, love. I've been more intimate with you in the last 8 years that I've been with anyone in my life including my ex wife," he said solemnly. "We've just kept our clothes on until now."

She was silent as she let that thought take hold. Deep down she knew he was right and she tried for just a moment to dwell in the possibility that wanting something as badly as she wanted a life and a family with this man who captivated, inspired, and infuriated her really going to be enough.

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><p><em>Hopefully I can get back to my quick chater updates. This is getting long so I would really appreciate feedback to help it keep moving and to help me keep things fresh.<em>


	11. Chapter 11

**OMG, writing this was a love/hate thing. I knew bathtiems needed to happen because it's just practical. Part of me didn't want it to be sexual at all but on the other hand how could it possibly not be? I think you'll be able to perceive my mixed emotion here as you read and the more I think about it, the more appropriate that is to what they are both feeling. **

**Again, this is M, though not as blatantly squirmworthy as the last M chap, it is more intimate. The end just kills me. Just sayin'.**

**Lie to me is sadly in the hands of others.**

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><p>While Gillian would have loved to stay in her current position on the couch with Cal for the rest of the foreseeable future, if she didn't move soon, her back was going to need some serious attention.<p>

Reluctantly she roused Cal and the two padded softly upstairs. Music drifted from Emily's room but no light shone under the doorway. Gillian hesitated at the door to the guest room and Cal looked at her with an amused grin.

"There's really no point in that now is there, love?" he said softly.

"I suppose not," she sighed.

"Are you tired yet?" he asked, and she thought she detected something behind the question.

"Not really," she admitted. "It's still early." She narrowed her eyes. "Why? What did you have in mind?"

"Well, if you're up for it," he hesitated, "I could really use a bath." He actually had the grace to look slightly uncomfortable asking.

She smiled. "I think we can probably figure something out."

They retreated to the quiet of Cal's bedroom and with a quick thought for Emily, locked the door just in case. At Gillian's suggestion they decided the best place with the least potential for mess was the bathroom. It was too soon allow Cal's sutures and incisions to get wet with a full shower. He also still lacked the range of motion to effectively wash himself and could not bend very easily from the waist without tremendous discomfort.

Gillian tried not to think about the fact that there was practically no way she was going to avoid being very close to a wet and nearly naked Cal during the process. The idea both unnerved and excited her and she cursed herself for her erotic curiosity in the face of his current situation.

Cal loaned Gillian a t-shirt so she wouldn't get her own clothes wet. It covered her to mid thigh and after a moment's thought she removed her bra as well. Unfortunately she didn't see herself getting through Cal's bath without one of her own.

Cal stripped and wrapped a towel tightly around his waist. He sat on the edge of the bathtub while Gillian gathered towels, washcloths, and the tub and soap she had purchased at the pharmacy. He carefully removed the bandages from his abdomen, relieved that doing so was far less uncomfortable this time.

Gillian bent down and inspected each incision. "These look really good Cal," she said, running her fingers lightly next to the wound on his right side.

The light touch of her fingers against his skin made his muscles twitch slightly. "They're starting to itch like crazy," he complained.

"I think that's a good sign. Just leave them alone," she warned, anticipating his next move.

"Next you'll be making me wear one of those collars they have for dogs," he grumbled.

"I have complete faith in your restraint," she said, managing absolute seriousness.

"Let's just get on with this shall we? It's humiliating enough."

"There's nothing wrong with needing someone Cal." She touched his shoulder.

Gillian stepped into the tub behind Cal, deciding to start by washing his hair. She took down the hand held shower head and ran the water as Cal tilted his head back as best as he could without pulling his stitches. Shielding his eyes she got his hair wet and then massaged a small amount of his shampoo into it. He moaned softly as her fingers worked against his scalp, creating a soft lather. The pleasant musky fragrance of his shampoo was comfortingly familiar as it spread through the room.

"That feels better than you can possibly imagine," he sighed.

"It's been a very long time since someone washed my hair so I'll take your word for it."

"I'll return the favor anytime you like, love," he said sincerely.

"I'll keep that in mind." She tried to keep emotion out of her voice but in truth the thought sparked feelings she really didn't have a place for at the moment.

Cal tried desperately to focus on something other than Gillian's gentle touch but the delightful feeling of her fingers sliding against his scalp combined with the relief of feeling clean again overwhelmed his senses. Warm water ran down his back as she rinsed the soap, effectively soaking the towel he was wearing.

"I think the rest might be easier if you stood in the tub," Gillian suggested.

He stood up slowly, cursing the tight pulling sensation in his belly as he turned a little too sharply. He supported himself against her shoulder as he stepped carefully over the edge of the tub, flinching slightly in discomfort and trying to preserve what little dignity he had left.

He stood face to face with her and met her eyes. Without her heels, the top of her head came just to the level of his forehead and she had to tilt her head up slightly to look at him. She reached up and tousled his damp hair, smiling to ease the sudden tension. He reached out a hand and stroked his thumb gently down her cheek, unable to miss her slight shiver as he did so.

"Thank you Gillian," he murmured softly.

She was silent for a moment, closing her eyes as she leaned into his palm slightly. Finally, she took a deep breath and focused. "Back first," she said, motioning for him to turn around.

Cal did as she commanded with an amused smile. When he felt her steadying hand against his spine followed by the sensation of the warm washcloth gliding across his neck and shoulders however, he was suddenly feeling anything but amusement. When she brushed against him and he could feel the hard peaks of her nipples graze his back through the thin wet material of the shirt she wore, his body reacted instantly, setting up a throbbing pulse in his groin which only intensified as her hands stroked lower and lower down his spine with agonizing slowness.

Gillian became mesmerized by the long narrow expanse of Cal's back. Her hands traced across his freckled skin and memorized the way his flat muscles bunched and tightened beneath her fingertips. Tiny droplets of water rolled down his spine and drew her eyes to the towel which hung low around his waist. She imagined following their path with her mouth, lapping and tasting every inch of his smooth flesh. Heat began to pool between her thighs and she forced herself to take slow even breaths in an attempt to quell her mounting arousal. She knew there was nothing either of them could do at the moment to relieve the tension but it did nothing to stop her desire to explore every inch of his body that was now bared to her despite the inappropriateness of the timing.

Cricket. Cricket was an excellent distraction. He recited the exhausting rules of the game in his head and then moved on to the roster for the England and Wales cricket team. When Gillian's fingers skimmed the top of the towel around his waist however, there was no distraction mundane enough to convince his mind that there was anything in the world worth knowing beyond her touch.

The terry cloth of the towel was rough against his groin as he swelled against its flimsy confines. He realized with a mix of embarrassment and pride that his erection was now tenting the material to a very noticeable degree and he moved his hands forward to cover himself.

Gillian finished with Cal's back but couldn't bring herself to move on. She dropped the cloth and hesitated only a moment before placing her hands on his shoulders and stepping in close, pressing her body tightly against him with a sigh. Sweeping her hands gently down his sides she touched her lips to his shoulder and traced a line to the curve of his neck with her mouth. He groaned softly and the strangled sound brought her immediately back to reality. She stepped back, unable to believe her own selfishness and lack of self control.

She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry Cal, I shouldn't have done that."

He turned slowly and the fire in his eyes was enough to stop her breath. "Don't ever be sorry for something like that, Gillian, I mean it," he growled as he traced her jaw line with his knuckles.

She shivered beneath his touch. "We should probably finish before we both get chilled." She reached for the washcloth and her eyes came to rest on what his hands were currently attempting to cover. She bit her lip and tried to pretend that she hadn't noticed.

She ran the cloth down each of his arms, stopping to trace the outlines of the deep blue marks on his upper right arm. His tattoos had always fascinated her and she rarely got a chance to study them in detail. She knew what each meant to him and somehow admired the fact that he had felt the need to display to the world those things which had marked him so deeply inside. It amazed her what a metaphor those markings were for the man himself. For all that Cal Lightman exuded the air of dark mystery man, everything that made him who he was could be as plain as the colorful etchings on his flesh when you only looked closely enough and in the right light.

Gillian shook herself when she realized she had been staring at his upper arm for far too long. She focused on the white cloth in her hand as she moved it across his shoulders to his chest. She could feel his eyes on her; knew he was studying her and still couldn't bring herself to look up. She stroked the cloth across his neck and let the warm soapy water drip down his chest. When she reached his abdomen she was thankful that her task required her complete focus.

Of course at this level, there was no ignoring his body's reaction to her touch but neither of them made mention of it. She gently cleaned and patted each of his incisions, making sure they didn't become overly wet. His towel was riding lower on his waist as it became more soaked with water and she trailed the moistened cloth over his lovely hips, unable to resist the urge to trail her fingers behind it.

Her task complete, she straightened and was suddenly faced with a new dilemma. The towel was now standing in the way of washing anything else, and what it covered was undeniably dangerous territory.

"So how do you want me to…" she trailed off awkwardly, gesturing to his lower half.

"You don't have to do anything beyond this if you don't want to, love. You've certainly done more than enough but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to."

He looked at her steadily and she felt her pulse quicken. Against every one of her better instincts, she stepped into him, angling her body carefully so that she didn't touch his stomach. Holding his eyes, she grazed her hands across his ribs and down his sides until they came to rest against the towel at his waist.

"I want to," she said in a soft voice as her trembling hand found the fastening for the towel and let it fall to the floor of the tub. His straining erection, now free from its meager restraint, pushed against her belly and she felt a rush of heat through her entire body. He was breathing had become quick and shallow and she once again reached for the soapy cloth, dipping it in the steamy water before she straightened and reached around behind him, flattening her hand on the cloth as she stroked it over his bottom.

The sensation of her hand against his ass was almost too much. Tiny rivulets of water ran down his thighs and found their way in to tickle his balls and he felt his cock twitch against her. Instinct took over and he moved his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her roughly to his lips. He felt her hesitate momentarily before she opened to him with a sigh, dropping the cloth as her hands roughly kneaded the flesh of his backside.

Her mouth was alive beneath his as he spilled every ounce of passion and frustration into the only outlet he had. Her tongue, tentative at first, now lapped against his lower lip and tangled with his own. She moaned sweetly into his mouth as he slipped a hand between their bodies to massage her breast. With his other hand he lifted the hem of her shirt so that his cock slipped beneath and his tip rubbed against the smooth skin of her stomach. He was quickly becoming painfully hard and he groaned in frustration causing Gillian to pull away and look at him with concern.

"I'm sorry," she said, touching her lips. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You didn't. At least not in the way you're concerned about." He raked a hand through his hair, looking down at the evidence of his arousal. "As ashamed as I am to say it, I should probably do something to take care of this."

"Can you?" she said without thought and wanted to kick herself. "I mean, medically, is it a good idea?"

"Probably not, but to be honest, it won't take much at this point. You just seem to have that effect on me, love," he growled. "And if I don't I think I'm going to be in a completely different kind of pain."

Gillian felt horrible for not having shown more restraint. She knew better of course but somehow Cal always had the effect of sending her better judgment flying out the window. She bit her lip as her imagination began to work overtime and slowly met his eyes. "What if I wanted to…do something about that for you? Do you think I would hurt you? If I was careful I mean?" she asked in a small hesitant voice.

"Gillian…" his jaw was tight as he said her name.

"Please?" she asked, reaching out a hand to cup him and ran her hand up his thick shaft.

"How can I possibly say no to that?" he said in a shuddering breath.

Her smile was almost shy as she looked up at him and he felt something break loose inside and travel directly up into his throat. He watched as she lifted the hem of her borrowed shirt, pulling it over her head in a fluid movement and he swallowed hard as the sight of her breasts and hard dusky nipples sent renewed heat racing to his groin. _No_, _this will definitely not take long at all._

She reached for the tub of water and soaked her hands. She then squeezed a generous amount of soap into her palms and rubbed them together. Stepping into Cal, she reached up for his lips at the moment she closed both hands firmly around his erection.

He gasped against her mouth and closed his eyes tightly at the intensely pleasurable sensation of her hands sliding slowly up and down in the slippery lubrication provided by the soap. He wanted to keep kissing her, wanted to enjoy all that she could offer him but his body was weak and he lacked the strength to fight what it desperately needed. He grasped her breasts roughly, twisting her nipples between his thumb and finger as he leaned into her neck, nipping at the soft flesh as his breath came is harsh pants and moans in time with the quickening rhythm of her hands.

Gillian was careful to avoid Cal's abdomen as she worked him with her hands. It took all the concentration she had as his hands massaged her breasts and his rough breathing against her ear intensified and dissolved into the almost incomprehensible chanting of her name. Sensing how close he was, she reached a hand down and gently kneaded his balls as she concentrated on short quick strokes against his head.

"Oh god, don't stop," he panted unevenly as his body went rigid. "Fuck, I'm going to come." He reached down and grabbed her hips, his fingers digging in roughly. She stilled her movements as his teeth dug into her shoulder, muffling his cry as he spilled hotly into her hand in powerful spurts. With two last slow strokes she drained him and helped lower his trembling body to the edge of the tub. She rinsed her hands quickly and then wrapped her arms around his shoulders, cradling his heavy head against her breasts as he drew air into his lungs in deep shuddering breaths.

She stroked his still-wet hair until his shoulders slumped and his breathing quieted somewhat. "Are you alright?" she asked soothingly.

"Better than alright I think." He pulled back and looked down at his abdomen. "Everything appears to still be intact at least. Not too tender."

"Can you stand?"

"No time like the present to find out I guess."

She placed a supporting hand beneath his arm and helped him up.

"I should probably wash this stuff off," he noted, gesturing toward the soap the still covered his groin. "Best to let me get it this time I think, love." He took the washcloth she offered him and rinsed himself thoroughly but gently.

Gillian helped him out of the tub and dried his body with a fluffy towel. Both still naked, they moved back to the bedroom and Cal arranged himself against his pile of pillows while Gillian set to work re-covering his sutures. She knew she should feel the need to dress but she found that she was oddly comfortable being unclothed around him, as if she wanted him to see her. She realized that she had never felt more beautiful in all her life than when he looked at her nude body with such open arousal.

When she finished, she looked up to find that his eyes had already drifted closed. She turned off the lights and crawled into bed beside him, taking up the place beneath his shoulder and chin that had begun to feel like home.

He turned his head and nuzzled her hair gently. "Don't leave Gillian."

"I'm staying Cal." She placed a hand on his chest.

"Ever, Gill. Don't leave ever, love." He kissed her forehead gently.

She remained quiet as his breathing grew slow and even. When she was sure he was asleep she let the tears slip slowly down her cheeks.

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><p><em>Wild ride wasn't it? How did that make you feel?<em>


	12. Chapter 12

**Moving along now. There will be major movement in the next 3 chapters and we're heading for conclusion. I hope this isn't too slow and repetative but I feel like they're on this little journey and have to come to terms with things one emotional wall at a time.**

**Own Lie To Me? I wish!**

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><p>Cal woke to the sound of the shower running in his bathroom. Early morning light filtered through the thick curtains and he shifted in his bed to find Gillian had risen without him.<p>

He wiped the sleep from his eyes and squinted at the clock, astonished to find that it was already 7am. Stretching slightly, he was amazed at how good he felt. He honestly couldn't remember having a better night's sleep in years.

He found some clothes and quickly dressed, noting that the sound of the shower had now ceased. He knocked quietly at the door but didn't wait for an answer.

Gillian was at the mirror wrapped in one of his towels, staring at her reflection in the steamy glass. Something dark and unfamiliar passed across her face and then fled as quickly as it came before she covered with a quick smile.

"Sneaking out on me already, love?" he asked, moving in behind her and running a hand over the smooth skin of her back.

"I'm not sneaking Cal," she said seriously, turning to face him. "I have some things I need to take care of at the office but I would have woken you first."

"What's Loker gone and done now?" he growled.

"Nothing Cal. There are just a few things I feel deserve to be handled by one of us and since I am the only one of _us_ currently allowed in the building, I'm handling them." She planted her hands on her hips.

Anger bubbled to the surface immediately and his jaw tightened as he fought against the urge to explode. He managed to swallow it as the thought of a raging fight with Gillian over the matter was not remotely appealing when she was standing half dressed in his bathroom. "You've had me banned from my own business?" he said incredulously, hanging onto a calm tone by a thread.

"Until I get word from a medical professional that you're not putting yourself at risk of overexertion, yes. Just because you feel good right now doesn't mean you're fully recovered. Your doctor said up to three weeks before you were cleared to resume normal activities and those activities include work, or would you like to exhaust yourself so you have to be off for twice that long; maybe you'd like to go back into the hospital for a bit? I'm sure they'd be only too happy to see you again." She looked at him with an accusatory glare as she watched his anger fade. "I didn't think so. And don't even think about sneaking in, I've had the codes changed." She turned back to the mirror without another word and began brushing out her wet hair.

Anger and amusement were warring inside of him. He never liked being stripped of control but he couldn't help but be touched by Gillian's motivations. Still, he wasn't sure he liked the shoe being on the other foot when it came to over protectiveness. "Anything you're not telling me Gillian?" he asked, tilting his head and studying her closely.

She calmly placed her brush on the counter and met his eyes steadily over her shoulder in the mirror. "Lots of things, Cal." His eyes bored into hers but she met his gaze with equal intensity. "And if you want me like this, if we choose this together, which believe me, is a decision I am far from making, then you're going to have to learn to trust that I'll tell you what's important and the rest…well, the rest just doesn't matter." Her voice was strong and unwavering but there was a sadness to it as well. "If you can't do that we should turn back while we still can."

He held her eyes as admiration for her strength in the face of his petulance slowly drowned out his frustrations. She hadn't moved; hadn't given one inch in the face of the same penetrating stare that had broken terrorists and government agents alike. This was his equal; this was the woman he loved.

"Well?" she pressed, when he didn't respond immediately.

"Alright," he said simply.

She could see his face soften in the mirror and while she didn't completely understand it, she flushed at the pride she read in his expression, her resolve wavering for just an instant. She turned slowly, leaning back against the counter as he stepped into her and couldn't stop the soft sigh that escaped as he reached out a hand to caress her cheek. "Alright what?" she asked with trepidation, knowing that leaving things ambiguous when it came to Cal was asking for trouble.

"Alright," he said slowly, "I trust you, Gillian. Forgive me for not always being the best at showing it, love." He leaned in and placed his lips against hers gently, simply holding her there as his hand twined in the damp tendrils of hair at the back of her neck.

The truth in his words slammed into her, threatening to shatter the wall of resistance she was piecing together. In that split second his lips were the only honesty she needed, the circle of his arms her only reality. She wanted to hold onto the moment; cling to it in the bitter face of the outside world but she refused to be sidetracked no matter how sweet the distraction. "It can't possibly be that easy," she said suspiciously, pulling back to squint at him.

"Sometimes it is, love," he said softly before kissing her lightly at her temple and inhaling her scent deeply. "Sometimes it is." He turned and walked away, leaving her in stunned silence.

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><p>Cal walked carefully downstairs to find Emily at the kitchen island, finishing off a bowl of cereal as she prepared to leave for school.<p>

"Hey Dad." She smiled broadly at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling like my daughter is about to have a bit of a laugh at my expense."

"I'm not laughing," she said earnestly, "just happy for you."

He looked at her steadily. The fact that each one of decisions would always have collateral damage for better or for worse was never lost on him. "Listen Em, I know you think you understand what's going on with Gillian and me…" he tried.

"Stop Dad. Trust me, I don't want details." She put her bowl in the sink and shrugged her backpack over her shoulder.

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up, darling. There are a lot of things for both of us to consider. It's just not a simple thing, I really wish it were." He reached out to her and pulled her against his chest, mindful of his still tender belly. He stroked her hair gently.

"You're still in love with her, right?" Emily asked looking up at him with complete innocence, knowing his answer already.

"Of course, Em, you know I am, but…"

"But, nothing," she cut him off again. "Is she in love with you?"

He was quiet as he marveled at his progeny's ability to boil things down to their essence and skim all the filth from the top. "She'd be a bloody fool," he mumbled.

"You know, Dad, I'm no human lie detector, but even I can tell you don't really believe that," Emily admonished.

He sighed deeply. "I think maybe I'm afraid to know the real answer to that question, love. More than that, I'm afraid she doesn't know the real answer yet." He watched his daughter mull over his words.

"I think you both might be surprised." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek before heading for the door. "Oh, By the way, unless you need me, I'm spending the night at Sara's," she tossed over her shoulder, "just in case you need another bath."

"Oi!" he called after her too late as the door slammed shut.

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><p>Gillian stood quietly at the top of the stairs eavesdropping on the conversation between Cal and Emily. She wanted to move, but stood rooted to the spot by the words drifting up to her. When she heard the door slam she realized she was trembling as Emily's words echoed and rebounded inside her head, mixing and twining until she was dizzy. '<em>You're still in love with her right?..Is she in love with you?..'<em>

Cal was wrong. She knew the answer to that question; knew it right in her bones.

She only wished the answer to that question really was the only thing that mattered.

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><p><strong>Night night!<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**This was a rough chapter. Smut is easy...feelings are hard. Perhaps I should stick to the smut?**

**Don't own Lie To Me and in just 15 days we'll find out if FOX still does. **

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><p>Gillian hesitated at the top of the stairs until she felt sure of her ability to descend without the distinct possibility of passing out. She found Cal fumbling with the coffee maker as she made her way around the counter.<p>

Remnants of the conversation between Cal and Emily from a moment before still swirling in her head, she approached him from behind and placed her hands gently on his hips, resting her head between his shoulders and closing her eyes as she held him as best she could, molding herself to his back. She breathed deeply, drawing in his comfortingly familiar scent as the warmth of his body seeped into hers. She opened her mouth and closed it several times before she finally found her voice."I do love you, you know. That's the _one_ question I know the answer to," she whispered.

"Aye Aye," he said softly, "and what in the world have I done to deserve this suddenly? Not that I'm complaining of course."

"I really don't know," she sighed.

"Someone's been eavesdropping I'd guess," Cal surmised.

Gillian was quiet for a moment and then released him reluctantly. "Not intentionally, no," she admitted, "but I overheard some of what you said."

He turned around and reached out a hand to her, cupping her cheek in his palm. "I don't think you heard anything you didn't already know, Gillian, so what is it?" he asked.

She chose her words carefully. "I think it's just everything Cal. Sleeping in your bed, having you make coffee for me in the morning? I won't even mention the other things."She blushed slightly.

"I really like the other things, love," he interrupted, "I feel it's very important to make that clear."

"So do I," she smiled, putting a hand to his arm, "but all of this…everything…it's just too much, too fast. It's not reality Cal," she said seriously.

"I'm not…you know…_completely_ unaware of that fact Gillian." He raked a hand through his hair and held it out in front of him, "but…aren't _we_ the ones who get to decide what's real?" he implored.

"I just need time to think Cal; I need time to figure out how this could even possibly ever be anything but a complete disaster. You can't tell me you can just fit this all neatly together in your head. Our work, Cal? Our clients? Our employees? We have other people to answer to than just ourselves," she explained patiently.

"Why?" he asked sullenly.

"Why? Because we have a responsibility to what we've built," she said, frustration mounting by the minute.

"That part I get. I mean _why_ answer to anyone but ourselves? I'm serious Gill. Sod the clients; sod the employees. The only things that matter in this world to me are you and Emily." He tried to reach out to her; tried to calm her but she shrugged him off.

"This isn't just your life's work Cal. It's mine too and I've made it into something I'm proud of. I have no intention of simply being a footnote in the life of the brilliant yet self destructive Dr. Cal Lightman," she threw at him. "I have a life of my own Cal; A place I've fought hard to carve out for myself. I can't just disappear here with you. I can't just melt into this part of your life no matter how good it feels, no matter how easy it seems right now." Tears pushed hotly against her lower lids, threatening to spill.

"That is the last thing in the world I want Gillian. I would hope you know me better than that by now," the sharpness in his voice cut the air between them and he winced.

And there it was. The unspoken words were spoken and there was no turning back. Gillian felt relieved somehow. She had needed to say them; needed him to hear, but she had wanted to wait until he was feeling better first. She could read the pain in his face and felt it radiate through her as well She ached at the thought of leaving things this way. She knew he could read the regret on her face and his expression softened as he reached out for her.

"I'm sorry," she said sadly as she stepped in to the sheltering circle of his arms and held him lightly, the tears finally sliding down her cheeks as she felt him bury his face in her shoulder. "I didn't want to do this now. We have time to think about it. I just don't want to get…too comfortable here. I need us to be able to turn back without losing everything if that's what needs to happen."

"I can't lose you, Gillian. I won't, not now," he muttered against her hair.

"You're right, you won't, but I can't promise that we can be everything to each other." They held on quietly, neither one daring to speak. Finally, Gillian broke away from him and swiped at her eyes. "I have to go. I need to stop at home and pick up some things and then I have a few meetings scheduled. I don't suppose I can get you to promise to rest quietly and not overdo it while I'm gone?" She tried to lighten the air.

"Sometimes that trust thing works both ways, love." His eyes told her that he was referring to much more than just his level of activity for the day.

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><p>Gillian stood in the silence of her apartment. She looked around at each piece of furniture, each picture frame, as she tried to imagine how her world could have shifted so much in four days that the place she called home now suddenly seemed empty somehow.<p>

Everything here was part of her. Everything was of her choosing but she realized that there was life missing from it all. After just four days surrounded by the continuous warmth of Cal and Emily she now felt cold without them and the recognition of her growing need fertilized the seeds of fear that were already planted.

After quickly watering her plants and changing clothes for the office, she gathered what she would need only for the next two days, promising herself that she would be sleeping in her own bed again by then. With a last look she pulled the door to her home closed with a pang of regret.

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><p>The pile of files on her desk finally diminished somewhat, Gillian sighed as she looked at the clock. Two hand holding meetings and a pile of financials later and she had spent far more time than she intended at work. She felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she thought of Cal alone but quickly pushed it aside.<p>

In truth it had been one of the most productive days she could remember. She hadn't spent time chasing after Cal and putting out fires; hadn't had to argue about which cases they should accept or patiently explain why it wasn't helpful to shove off meetings with the heads of multinational corporations to interns.

She had finally decided to pack up for the day when Anna knocked softly at her door and entered carrying a thick stack of envelopes.

"I know you don't want Dr. Lightman to be bothered but I wondered if you might at least give him these?" she asked, handing Gillian the envelopes, each one embossed with the name of a University.

"What are they?" She quickly flipped through the stack. Harvard, Stanford, Berkley…

"They're this week's round of invites for guest lectures. Dr. Lightman usually likes to answer them personally."

"These are all from this week? I had no idea we received so many." There were at least ten different envelopes.

"Oh, this isn't all of them. These are just the ones that deserve serious attention. He gives me a list of what to look for," she explained.

The beginning of an idea began to form in Gillian's mind and she quickly tucked the envelopes into her purse. "Of course, I'll see that he gets them. It'll give him something to do to keep busy. I'd say keep him out of trouble but we both know that how likely that is." She smiled at the younger woman. "Thank you for taking care of it."

Anna left and Gillian grabbed the last of the files she needed. Tomorrow was Saturday but there were a few things she had gotten started on today that she wanted to follow up on. She flipped off the lights and quickly snuck out the front door before she could once again be waylaid by Torres or Loker complaining about the cases and research assignments she had doled out between them and the interns.

While she was incredibly satisfied with the work she had accomplished she admitted that her heart thrilled just a little at the thought of going home to Cal despite the tensions from earlier in the morning.

When she reached Cal's house she quietly let herself in the front door, unsure if he might be sleeping. It was already approaching early evening and she once again pushed down a wave of guilt for having left him on his own for so long.

The delicious aroma wafting from the kitchen hit her as soon as she opened the door. She heard no sound from anywhere in the house and softly set down her purse and briefcase as she investigated. In the kitchen she found a large foil covered pan resting on top of the stove. Lifting one corner she discovered a lovely roast with potatoes and carrots which appeared to be ready to eat. It looked and smelled delicious and she realized just how hungry she suddenly was.

Resealing the pan, she checked the living room and still found no sign of Cal. In the dining room however, she found the table set elegantly for two and a vase of lovely fresh flowers. She smiled at the thought of Cal spending the day preparing this for her to come home to. The man himself was still nowhere to be seen and she kicked off her shoes and walked quietly upstairs.

She hesitated at the threshold of his room as her eyes fell on his sleeping form stretched peacefully on the bed. His face was slack and his deep even breathing told her he was sleeping soundly. Without any explanation, tears sprang to her eyes as a wave of intense emotion washed over her. She wanted so badly for this to be her life; wanted it with every ounce of her being. If this couldn't be her reality, she wanted this moment to be a dream from which she would never wake.

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><p><em>I'm sorry if this seems a bit of an awkward stopping point, it was the best I could come up with. There is quite a bit more written already following this but I have made an effort to contain smut in distinct chapters so it can be skipped by those who don't enjoy it without losing too much of the story. The next part gets a little M again and should be ready very shortly. Don't worry, our hero's have a bit to go beofe they could even consider settling into domestic bliss.<em>


	14. Chapter 14

**Smut as promised. In fact, this smut chapter was so hot that it has been broken up into two chapters because I just didn't have the time to polish it all. This one is certainly squirm worthy so, you know, read in front of others at your own risk. Again, if you're underage or just don't like smut, you can skip this without losing too much plot. I don't understand this decision of course but you know, whatevs.**

**Have fun!**

**Don't own Lie To Me. 14 days!**

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><p>Gillian walked quietly to Cal's bedside feeling as if her heart would swell out of her chest. She stood staring down at him tenderly, memorizing every line on his face as she struggled to make sense of everything she was feeling. Her eyes traced over his jaw line and the light growth of reddish grey whiskers that he had neglected to shave today. She lingered at his slightly parted lips as she remembered their soft caress against her own.<p>

She felt slightly guilty for watching with him unaware, as if she was being somehow voyeuristic, yet she couldn't bring herself to stop. Her eyes devoured the ropey tendons in his neck and shoulders; traced the outlines of each tattoo that was visible on the pale, freckled skin of his arm. She studied his hands the longest, imagined his long fingers trailing lingering paths over every inch of her skin.

She felt herself beginning to blush with the stirring of arousal and took deep breaths, trying to bring her body back under control. He had always done this to her. She believed strongly in the chemical attraction between human beings and whatever Cal had, her body desperately wanted. She thought back to that first meeting when she had met Cal Lightman in the quiet of her office so many years ago. Despite the nature of the meeting she had felt something even then; an undeniable physical pull she had been unable to ignore or deny. Each night for that first week she had gone home and thrown herself into Alec's arms but it was Cal's face behind her eyes each time her body shuddered with release.

Over time she had learned to bury her desires for him but she still felt each featherlight brush of his hand at the small of her back to her very core; craved even the smallest touch at each meeting. Now that he had fully awakened that need in her she found it nearly impossible to suppress.

She wanted to let him continue sleeping but couldn't stop from reaching out to lightly stroke her hand down the inside of his arm, sighing softly at the whisper of his supple flesh sliding beneath her fingertips. He startled slightly and his eyes fluttered open as he struggled to focus on her.

"This is a pleasant surprise," he said in a voice gravelly with sleep.

The rough sexiness of his tone did nothing to cool the desire that had crept up on her and she stayed silent as she twined her fingers in his, drawing his hand to her mouth as she kissed his palm reverently and placed it against her cheek. "I'm so sorry about this morning," she whispered, closing her eyes as his thumb traced her jaw.

"Shhh, darling. Don't. Besides, by the look on your face, I'd say you're thinking of about a dozen ways you'd like to make it up to me," he growled.

"Two dozen," she smiled. "What did you have in mind?"

"More than you could possibly imagine, Gill."

She trembled at the heat behind his words.

"Unfortunately my activities are still severely limited at the moment. Still, I think we can work something out without too much worry." His fingers trailed slowly down her neck, grazing over her body through the fabric of her dress until he came to its hem at her knee.

She closed her eyes again when his fingers met her skin and reached around to caress the soft place behind her knee. Heat pooled in her belly as he slowly trailed his hand up her right thigh, pushing up the soft linen she wore as he did so. She moved her feet apart slightly, giving him more access and when she looked down she found him staring in rapt fascination at her face.

"I love how you look when I touch you," he rasped in a thick voice.

She locked her eyes to his as his hand circled over her inner thigh. She felt the warmth of his hand lingering just below the heat of her sex until his thumb brushed lightly across her through her panties. She pressed into him with a gasp and to her extreme frustration, he withdrew from her.

"I think this needs to come off," he said, sitting up slowly and pulling lightly at the hem of her dress.

She turned around and offered him her back, gesturing toward the zipper. "Would you?" she asked.

He reached up and released her from the garment, allowing her to quickly push it from her shoulders before he grasped her hips and pulled her backwards. He unclasped her bra in one smooth movement and swept the straps down her arms until it fell onto the pile at her feet. His hands traced the smooth lines of her body as he placed his lips to her spine, just above the small of her back. As he feathered her with light kisses, his fingers reached beneath the elastic of her panties and slowly pushed them down over her hips.

He worshiped her skin with his mouth, each kiss sending tiny electric shocks through her spine. She jumped and let out a cry when she felt his teeth sink into the tender flesh of the swelling of her left buttock.

"Hey," she cried out, turning quickly in his arms.

"Sorry, love," he grinned, "your arse is just far too delicious to resist. You can hardly blame me."

"Hmmm…Somehow, I think you'll make it up to me," she said as she pulled at his shirt, helping him tug the garment over his head. She caught sight of the bandages on his abdomen and reminded herself that they needed to take things slowly. "Are you sure this is okay? I'd much rather take a cold shower than risk hurting you," she said, concern evident on her face.

"I know my limits Gillian. I really do feel better every day. Besides, I intend to make this much more about you than me tonight anyway, so just relax and let me love you," he drawled softly her as he reached up and pulled her so that she stood with one of his knees between her thighs.

She took his head between her hands and leaned down to kiss him, moaning softly as his hands simultaneously twined in her hair and caressed her back. His mouth worked hers expertly as he adjusted his movements to match hers, his tongue brushing against hers in a gently mounting advance and retreat that made her want to push him back against the bed and ravage him, incisions and all.

She let out a tiny disappointed moan as his lips left hers to slide over her jaw and down her neck. His tongue traced tiny circles at every pause and his teeth nipped gently before he sucked hard at her flesh until she felt blood rise to the surface.

The throbbing pulse between her thighs quickened as he dragged his lips between her breasts before lavishing attention on each one with his mouth and hands. She bent her knees slightly until her aching sex brushed hotly against his thigh, desperately craving relief from the mounting tension there. He raised his knee slightly and she shuddered, her hands fisting at the back of his neck. When his teeth closed over her nipple she sank down on him, crying out as sensation overwhelmed her.

She felt his touch at her hips, repositioning her, an instant before his hand slipped between her thighs. Gentle and patient fingers stroked along her folds lovingly, sliding easily against her moist heated flesh. He pressed his thumb against the side of her clit at the same time that he pushed two fingers slowly inside of her, stroking in and out as she cried out softly each time and circled her hips involuntarily against his hand.

"Look at me Gillian," he instructed as he brushed the slightly damp hair back from her face.

She opened her eyes and tried to focus.

"Don't close your eyes, love, just look at me." She felt his fingers move deeper, pressing forward as he sought the spot he knew was there. She angled her hips forward slightly allowing him to go deeper. He was so close. If she could just…

"Cal!" she cried out as his fingers slipped in just that half inch more. She shuddered violently and forced herself to focus on him.

He wasn't a man who needed instruction. Without hesitation he pushed into her again and again, pressing the heel of his hand to her clit as he did so. He watched her eyes widen as her breathing became harsh and uneven, her hands spasming uncontrollably against his shoulders. Finally a look of intense pleasure-pain passed across her face and she tightened around his fingers.

Gillian was unprepared for the orgasm that shook her from head to toe. She felt out of control as waves of pleasure collided and rebounded throughout her body and she clung desperately to Cal for support.

Strong hands shifted her before she collapsed completely and helped her find the edge of the bed. She collapsed backward as she continued to tremble, aware that she was grinning uncontrollably.

She felt Cal move next to her on the bed as he positioned himself gently on his left side. He traced his fingers lightly over her damp skin and she shivered.

"So that was good then?" he asked smugly.

"Look at my face Cal. You never need to ask." She rested her hand on his as she sighed contentedly.

He was quiet for a moment. "I love you Gillian. I'll take all the time in the world if that's what we need to make this work," he said soberly.

She blinked in surprise at his sudden shift. "I love you," she said firmly, and there was no doubt or lie behind her words. "I still need to convince myself that it's enough." She needed to be honest with him.

"I'd better get to work then." He bent his head to her swollen nipple as his hand trailed over her belly.

"Cal," she giggled, swatting his shoulder playfully, "what about dinner."

"I haven't even gotten to the appetizer yet, love," he said as his hand darted between her thighs.

"Oh Jesus," she moaned as he dipped his fingers into her and then brought them slowly to his lips.

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><p><em>Yeah, I just got them warmed up. Believe me when I tell you it's just as frustrating for me that these two can't just rip off their clothes and fuck like bunnies. <em>


	15. Chapter 15

**And here is part deux of the smutty bits. Enjoy it now.**

**Oh, Lie To Me...just let me love you.**

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><p>He would never get enough of her. Each taste of her skin, each gentle whimper only made him hunger for more. Cal stroked his hand across Gillian's soft belly as she squirmed beneath his touch. The fact that her ardor for him was apparently undiminished as well both excited and frightened him beyond belief. He had imagined her as his lover so many times and in so many different ways that a tiny part of him had been afraid she might pale in comparison to his incredibly detailed fantasies. The reality of her silken warmth and the warm salty-sweet taste of her skin beneath his lips was almost more perfection than he could bear.<p>

He ignored the increasingly uncomfortable throbbing ache of his own erection to lavish attentions on every inch of her body that he could reach from his current position. He wanted to set up permanent residency somewhere between the sensitive hollow of her throat and the tender lobe of her ear; to carve a lasting place for himself between her supple thighs. As her skin became more heated and her soft moans more impassioned, he realized that simply touching her would never be adequate to slake his growing need. Suddenly he could not kiss her deeply enough, could not feel enough of her body sliding beneath his palms at once.

He released her mouth with a frustrated sigh, stroking her hair as he struggled with the limitations of his own body. "I need to be inside you so badly," he breathed against her ear.

She trembled at his words and reached out a hand to gently cup his straining erection, closing her eyes at the thought of his hard thickness filling her; moving gently within her. "You know I want that too but I don't see how…" an image flashed in her head and she smiled slowly.

"Oh, I do like the look of _that_ expression," he growled, taking the lobe of her ear between his teeth. "What exactly do you have in that surprisingly naughty mind of yours, love?"

"Nothing that will miraculously make you able to make love to me the way we both want less than a week after surgery, so don't get too excited. At least it might be something. If we're both careful," she added.

"I can be very…very…careful." He punctuated with a series of nipping kisses against her throat.

He watched as she repositioned herself on her knees at the head of the bed and looked backwards at him suggestively before lowering her upper body slightly as she grasped the headboard.

"Oh Christ, Gill, are you sure?" It was obvious what she was suggesting.

She straightened slightly. "Can you think of any other way that doesn't put pressure on you?"

He couldn't argue with her logic and he slowly stood and pushed his briefs and pajama bottoms into a pile at his feet before crawling on his knees across the mattress until he was directly behind her.

He brushed his hands lightly across her beautifully round hips and bottom. "I don't deserve you," he whispered, completely in awe of her.

"Yes you do," she said firmly, raising herself slightly as she looked at him over her shoulder.

He nudged her knees apart a little and pressed gently at the small of her back until she moved into a good position with her hips angled up and back. He took his first full intimate look at her and his cock twitched violently in anticipation. Moisture glistened along her swollen folds in the dim light and he ran his fingers against her gently. He smiled as she pushed back against his hand eagerly. He thrust in and out of her a few times as she enjoyed the change in sensation created by her current position. He stroked slow circles over her lower back and sides as she began to moan rhythmically in time with the caress of his fingers against her inner walls.

He ceased his movements and placed both hands on her hips, stilling her as he moved closer to her slowly. "Careful now, darling," he cautioned her as he placed the tip of his erection against her and stroked up and down a few times, letting her feel him. She whimpered and the headboard creaked as she tightened her grip. He fought the nearly overwhelming urge to thrust into her violently, drawing in deep breaths as he battled for control.

Finally, he began to push into her with agonizing slowness, letting her warm tight heat close over him inch by inch. When at last he was completely sheathed inside her, he let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding in an explosive burst.

Gillian rocked her hips gently from side to side, marveling at the unimaginable gratification she felt as he filled her completely. She flushed hotly as she realized her body wanted nothing more in this world at the moment than the blissful collision of his hips with hers. She wanted him to slam into her again and again until she knew nothing else but her desire and the single syllable of his name.

Suddenly he felt her flex her inner muscles around him and the tight pulsing against his sensitive shaft made his whole body convulse in response.

"Naughty girl," he said through his clenched jaw. He swatted her playfully on the bottom and she threw her head back in a cry of intense pleasure. "Oh really?" he growled and repeated the action, only slightly harder this time. This woman would never cease to surprise and amaze him.

She pushed back against him and rolled her hips. An animalistic sound emerged from her mouth to echo off the bedroom walls.

Heat rushed to his groin and he felt himself swell even more fully inside her."Like that do you, darling?" He gave her one more playful slap and reached forward to twine his hand in the hair at the base of her neck, pulling back just slightly. "How about this?" he asked, his voice low and thick with arousal.

"Oh God, yes Cal," she cried, "more."

He pulled slightly harder, walking that delicate line between pleasure and pain. He attempted a few shallow thrusts but felt his as-yet-unhealed muscles strain in protest. He wasn't in pain but there would certainly be hell to pay if he went any further. Instead he withdrew completely and slid back in slowly, keeping his hips in line to avoid strain. Even that much delicious friction made his head spin. He held still, feeling her pulse around him as he lay nestled deep inside her. "I'm sorry, love, I think that might be as good as it gets for tonight." He stroked in and out of her once more and reached around to gently caress her clit. "I do have an idea though. Don't move."

Reluctantly he withdrew from her and was rewarded by her equally disappointed sigh. He moved slowly, avoiding any twisting movements and lay face up on the mattress. He moved up until his face was directly between her knees and then reached up to grab her hips, pulling her down.

"Cal!" she said in surprise.

"Well hello," he said softly as he reached his tongue out and pressed it firmly against her clit.

Her whole body spasmed as his lips closed over her. She held tightly to the headboard, steadying herself as he made love to her with his mouth.

Cal savored the exquisitely complex and unique taste of her. He delved his tongue deep inside and found the slight lingering taste of his essence mixed with hers. He rubbed his nose against her clit and sucked at her swollen inner lips until she writhed atop him, begging for release.

With one hand he grasped his throbbing cock and began stroking in a familiar rhythm he knew would make him come quickly in his current state of arousal. He drove the fingers of his other hand deep inside Gillian and stroked her with the same rhythm. He moved his mouth to her clit, circling around and around with his tongue before drawing it into his mouth and sucking in time with the movement of his fingers.

He concentrated on her increasingly throaty cries as he felt himself moving closer and closer to orgasm. She ground her hips against him and her thighs trembled as she began to lose control. He drove his fingers into her roughly as his balls contacted and he suddenly exploded in release. He groaned deep in his throat which translated into a vibrating hum against her clit and the sensation finally drove her over the edge.

He felt her walls contract around his fingers as she came with a shuddering cry and he released her, gasping for air as he felt hot fluid coat his hand and belly from his own hard orgasm. She continued to tremble above him and he held her hips as he ran his tongue along her entrance for one last taste, lapping up the tangy wetness.

She lifted from him and twisted around until she lay beneath his arm, still panting as she clung to him. He closed his eyes as exhaustion overtook him and felt her lips moving gently against his throat in a now familiar gesture.

"That was…" she tried, but couldn't come up with words.

"Only a preview, love."

"Then I think the real thing might kill me," she laughed and then asked soberly, "are you alright?"

"Fine, just a little tired. And hungry, definitely hungry. I cannot tell you how ready I am for real food," he rubbed a hand gently over his stomach.

She propped herself up on an elbow and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Dinner and a movie in bed?" she asked. "I know you set the table, which was lovely by the way, but I could totally be convinced to just stay here for the rest of the night if there was an adequate food supply. I'll even go get it." She didn't wait for a response but kissed him quickly before moving toward the dresser and rooting around for a t-shirt.

"Are you always this incredible after sex?" he asked, looking at her in bewildered awe.

"Better," she grinned at him.

"There's pie in the fridge, love," he called as she headed out the door.

"I love you," she called down the hall and he thought his heart might actually break.

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><p>Gillian prepared generous helpings for both of them and piled everything they would need onto a tray. She was about to slice the pie when she suddenly thought better of it and just slid the whole thing onto the tray with two forks.<p>

She caught sight of her purse out of the corner of her eye and the thick stack of envelopes sticking out of it. Her heart twisted at the thought of what she had planned and she tried to bury the sudden pang of sadness. If they never got another chance she wanted them to have this lovely in-between time together. Tonight she would let her heart beat with the simple joy of loving him and being loved in return without the complications that came with the outside world.

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><p><em>So here's a question. The last chap was generally written from Gillian's perspective; this one from Cal's. Do we have a preference? I enjoy writing both and find different things when I do. Just curious.<em>


	16. Chapter 16

**So this chapter is the un beta'd version and will be replaced as soon as the beta process is done. I really wanted to publish something for those of you waiting. I can tell you that the final chapter for this is done and already beta'd and I am just finishing the penultimate chap which is well under way.**

**I had planned to do this all at once but it was just taking too long so here you go!**

**You know what? I'm not even giving a disclaimer. Fuck FOX, Fuck the producers of the show who didn't really care about it. Sue me.**

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><p>Gillian lay awake, tucked into the comfortable hollow of Cal's arm thinking over their night together.<p>

She had never laughed so much with him. If fact, she was certain that if she totaled up the number of times in their friendship they had spent simply laughing and enjoying each other, it would never equal the uncomplicated delight of the last seven hours. She had always loved his laugh; had always heard it far too infrequently. Tonight each low chuckle in the back of his throat and every childlike giggle had sent her heart soaring.

Now, however, she found sleep impossible as she tried to strengthen her resolve. After what felt like an eternity of sleeplessness, she finally lifted her head, squinting at the clock beside the bed. It was three am and she was no nearer to sleep now than when she had laid down several hours ago. Slowly, she slipped from beneath Cal's arm and grabbed her discarded t-shirt and pajama bottoms. She stepped into the hallway and dressed, not wanting to disturb him.

When she reached the kitchen, she put the kettle on the stove to make tea and sat down at the kitchen's island, cradling her head in her hands as she fought off tears.

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><p>Cal immediately sensed Gillian's absence when he woke. He had quickly grown accustomed to her warm weight against his left side and the sweet floral scent of her hair beneath his nose.<p>

He found Gillian at the kitchen table, head hung low over what appeared to be an empty mug of tea. She raised her eyes to his when she sensed his presence in the room and he could see that, while her cheeks were currently dry, her eyes were rimmed red with past tears.

Her face was grim and determined. He wasn't sure he wanted to know why but was powerless to stop himself asking.

"Aye Aye, what's on your mind then, darling?" he asked softly, taking a seat across from her.

She didn't answer immediately. She had played the scene out in her head over and over; practiced the words again and again and still found herself reluctant to give her thoughts voice. She saw the pain in his eyes and finally found the courage to let them go. "I need to ask you to do something for both of us and you're not going to want to but I need you to do it because it's important for me." The words spilled from her in a rush.

He studied her quietly. He could see on her face the agony she was in simply working up the nerve to bring up whatever was on her mind. He hated to see pain and fear in her and thought he might do nearly anything to banish those emotions forever. "Ask me, love." He covered her hand with his but she pulled away and turned around, retrieving something from her purse. When she turned back to him she held a thick stack of envelopes. Her hands trembled slightly and she stared at the table.

Slowly, as if they weighed pounds instead of ounces, she pushed the stack of envelopes toward him. "Anna gave me these for you to respond to."

He stared at what she had handed him, unable to comprehend. "I'm afraid I don't understand? I get these every week, what do these have to do with what's going on here?" He looked at her intently.

"I want you to tell them you'll accept," she started slowly, finally meeting his gaze.

"Done. I'll make arrangements today with every single one of them if you ask me to, but somehow I get the feeling that's not everything Gillian."

She took a deep breath. "I want you to go away for a few weeks Cal. I want you to take Emily and go on a speaking tour. Tell her you want to spend some time with her before she goes away to school next year and you won't even have to lie to her. I know you may need to rest for a few more days but you'll still have a few weeks of recovery after that. I want you to spend it on the road promoting your book and promoting the business as soon as you feel up to it." She blurted it out and waited for him to digest what she had said.

He was quiet for a moment and he looked at her as though she had grown a third eye. "You're joking right?" he asked, incredulous even though she knew perfectly well he could tell she was serious, simply by the look on her face.

"You said you would do whatever it takes to make this work," she gestured to the space between them. She could hear the pitch of her voice climb in her desperation but felt powerless to change her pleading tone.

He didn't want to tell her no because he had promised to listen but he was struggling. "Tell me why," he said finally.

She had wanted so badly to get through this without becoming a blubbering mess but the look on his face was now a mix of concern, love and barely controlled panic and it was more than her heart could stand. Tears cascaded gently down her cheeks as she studied the grains of the wood on the table. "When I left Alec, I buried myself in work. It was the thing that kept me going. When I felt like everything in my personal life was completely destroyed, I held myself together because I still had a part of myself that had nothing to do with him; something that was entirely my own that made me happy and I focused everything on that. If we do this Cal, you know there will never be a halfway." She looked at him and smiled.

"You're right about that, love," he said, reaching out and wiping gently at her tears.

"And that's why I need you to go. I need time to find out how much of our work is really about me and how much is just me wanting to be part of you. If we do this and something happens…if it turns out we can't make it work…I can't lose everything. I have to know that I have something in what we're doing that is entirely my own. I know you don't understand Cal and I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I want nothing more than to just fall in your arms and hope for happily ever after but it's you…and it's me…and I need this."

Her last sentence came out as a soft sob and his heart twisted in his chest. "And if I say no?" he said quietly.

She took his hands slowly and looked at him earnestly. "Then it won't ever work between us Cal. I know you don't know it but you need this too. You have to be able to know that I can do this on my own just as much as I do. I need you to trust me Cal. I need you to leave this thing we've built together in my hands and _trust_ that I have the strength to hold it up on my own. If you don't you'll never truly respect me as your equal and Cal, we have to be equals in this. You cannot be my boss. You have to truly see me as a partner."

"And you think I don't?" he asked, genuinely hurt by her words.

She smiled at him sadly. "I know you _think _you do but you still keep things from me that you think I'm not strong enough to handle. I know most of the time you're trying to protect me and most of the time I love you for it but sometimes," she sighed heavily, "sometimes I resent the hell out of it Cal."

"I respect you more than I respect anyone else on this planet Gillian, I hope you know that," he said sincerely.

"Then do this, Cal. Respect the fact that it's what I need and what I think is best and just _trust. _Trust in me. Don't call to check in, don't bug the phones, don't spend hours watching video tapes, and for god's sake, don't ask Loker to spy for you. _Trust _that I will call if I need you._ Trust_ that I can bring as much to the table as you can in this. I know how hard that is for you. I know what I'm asking of you, but it's the only way short of me leaving the firm completely that I think gives a relationship between the two of us a snowball's chance in hell of ever working." Now that she had found her stride, the words simply seemed to flow and she could see the impact her words had on him as his shoulders slumped in surrender.

"Please don't ask me to do this Gillian," he said softly.

"I have to Cal." Her tone was sad but it was obvious she was resigned to this. "You've spent a lifetime looking for your truth Cal. Give me two weeks to make sure that I've found mine."

They were both silent. She watched him struggle with the idea of what she was asking him to do and his inner agony chipped away slowly at her reserve.

"I'll leave today," he said, sitting back in his chair.

"Cal you don't have to…" she tried, but she could already see that he had pulled away.

"No. I'll have the doc give a quick once over. I'll make some calls. It will be fine." His mask was firmly in place.

"Please Cal. I don't want you to leave like this. I love you, try and understand." She pleaded and thought she saw his face soften slightly.

Cal stood up and walked around the table to stand in front of her. He ran his hand slowly over her cheek and kissed her, placing his forehead against hers. "I know you do, darling," he whispered and walked away, stalking slowly back upstairs.

_Alright...seriously, I cry at my own fic sometimes and this for me was agonizing to write. I hope I got the intended emotions across to you. Last 2 chaps will be available shortly! Did you miss me?_


	17. Chapter 17

**This chapter is...meh. I am not happy with it in the least but i cannot make it better ATM. This is the last part that was written. **

**Not much else to say. Screw the disclaimer and BOYCOTTFOX!**

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><p>Cal was gone.<p>

The first day passed in a blur. Gillian met with clients, briefed staff and all the while felt as if she were stumbling through a dream world. She saw his face around every hallway corner. She picked up the phone a dozen times to buzz his office; stared at his name in her cell phone directory as her finger hovered over the send button. Her heart hammered in anticipation every time the intercom sounded or someone pushed through her office door unannounced. She felt overwhelmed by the stack of folders on her desk and the numbers of things that demanded her attention. She wanted nothing more than to hang her head and cry; to call him and tell him it had been a mistake, but she held on.

Almost everyone was avoiding her. She had called a brief staff meeting to announce Cal's departure. Loker had opened his mouth to ask a question but Gillian had shut him down with a menacing stare. She had rehearsed her short speech many times to be sure she could get through it without a telltale hitch sneaking into her voice but dealing with Loker's innate ability to find the heart of any situation and twist the knife just so was beyond her capacity.

When she walked out at the end of the day and locked the door behind her, however, she knew she would make it. She could still feel him everywhere. His presence was so strong here that she felt almost as if his eyes were on her even though she knew in her heart he was gone. Not to mention, the first thing she had done was change the access code to their closed circuit camera feed. He might be doing everything he could to try to abide by her wishes but he was still Cal Lightman. With a deep sigh she walked to her car and headed home.

* * *

><p>The first night was horrible. Somehow the smell of her own sheets seemed foreign to her; her bed cold. She had thought she would feel relief at being in her own space again but, while it felt comfortable and soothing, she craved the warmth of Cal's arm around her shoulders and the ring of Emily's laughter in the hallways.<p>

She lay awake, staring at the ceiling as she listed all the things about Cal she had learned in the last week that she could never have imagined knowing. She smiled at the thought of the small sounds he made in his sleep, the dark freckle next to his left nipple that she often traced with her tongue, the firm weight of his cock in the palm of her hand. She flushed as memories of the taste and smell of him flooded her senses. She rolled to her side, twisting her hips as she clenched her thighs together at the sudden rush of arousal she felt. She thought of the first time he had touched her intimately and her skin remembered the rough caress of his hands. Reaching a hand to her sex, she brought herself to a quick and hard orgasm while she imagined his breath against her neck and his arousal-choked voice whispering to her, 'Come for me Gillian.' The sound echoed in her ears.

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she tossed and turned, missing the feeling of strong arms around her and the sound of his heart beating beneath her ear. She closed her eyes and prayed that dawn would come soon. As the first rays of light began to filter through the curtains she finally dozed off for a few fitful moments before she woke to the screaming of her alarm.

Despite her lack of sleep she felt a sense of purpose and hope and she quickly dressed and showered, anxious to get to work.

Each day at the office got better little by little. She mapped out a list of things she wanted to accomplish in his absence and began tackling them one by one. First, she cleared her desk of every day cases. Employee screening, embezzlement cases, cheating spouses; all doled out to interns and other associates. She called in a few contacts and made appointments with potential new clients, enjoying the challenge and affirmation of selling her own skills instead of just explaining and apologizing for Cal.

Each day she found that she checked her phone less and less often. She only found herself wandering in the direction of his office once or twice each day before she remembered. By the end of the first week she was closing cases left and right and had brought in several new clients. She no longer felt the urge to pick up the phone but she was strong enough to admit that, even though she was more than satisfied by her work, she simply missed Cal's presence. Each night, however, she locked the door behind her with a sense of accomplishment and a vision for the next day.

* * *

><p>In sharp contrast to her days, each night seemed to get progressively worse. She found sleep nearly impossible, so much worse than after she had left Alec. She found it hard to believe that she could have grown so accustomed to a body in bed next to her in such a short time that sleep eluded her without that comfortable companionship. From the moment she had first laid tucked into the crook of his shoulder she had felt it: Completeness. As if she was born to occupy that space. Now that she had had a taste, there was simply no substitute.<p>

* * *

><p>On the seventh day of his absence she finally worked up the nerve to step into his office. She couldn't say why she had been avoiding it but she had used every excuse to send Anna in after things she needed instead of facing her demons.<p>

As she stepped to his door she looked up and down the hallway to be sure no one observed her entrance. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and slipped inside, shutting the door and leaning against it. The thing she noticed first was the silence. She walked slowly to Cal's desk and ran her hand over the smooth glass. She glance over the familiar pictures on the shelf behind his desk and smiled at the ever-present purple crayon. Her eye was suddenly caught by a new addition. Her own face smiled back at her from an antique silver frame placed just behind a childhood picture of Emily. He had displayed pictures of the two of them snapped at awards dinners and promotions but never a picture of her alone. She wondered when he had found the time to sneak in and place it there since she was quite certain it had not been there the week before. Damn him, he knew her so well.

Smiling through the tears that had begun to pool against her eyelids, she slowly turned and slid open the door to his study. She loved this place. Being in Cal's study was the closest thing to being wrapped in his arms she had ever felt. Every tiny detail reflected something of him. She had felt it before but she felt it even more strongly now. The simple and cozy warmth embraced her the moment she set foot through the doors and she simply wanted to melt into its quiet invitation.

She sat down on the couch and tucked her legs up under her. She closed her eyes and let herself be surrounded by him for a moment. Laying her heavy head against her arm on the side of the couch, she closed her eyes and could almost hear his voice echoing off the walls. There could be no harm in just taking a moment to be where she felt closest to him.

It was Loker that found her there 3 hours later. She looked so peaceful that he almost couldn't bring himself to disturb her but he also knew there was no way she would want to miss the meeting that would be starting in a half hour.

He gently shook her shoulder. "Gillian," he said softly.

"Cal?" she said as her eyes fluttered open and she struggled to focus.

He heard the hope in her voice and hated the disappointment in her eyes when she saw him standing over her.

"Eli," she looked around, "I'm sorry, I must have dozed off. I had a headache and I…I just wanted to be someplace quiet for awhile." She moved to sit up but found that she was a bit stiff from her awkward position on the couch.

Loker sat down on the couch next to her and was silent for a moment as she stretched. "It's okay for you to miss him you know," he said finally.

She was stunned. She schooled her features not willing to give Eli anything to work with. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm not the idiot you both take me for Gillian. I don't think for a minute that Lightman would leave this place voluntarily and not check in for over a week after already being out for that long. In my mind that leaves only one option. You sent him away."He accused lightly.

Gillian remained quiet starring at her hands.

"So all I'm saying is that if you did send him away, there's nothing wrong with missing him." Knowing that he wasn't going to get any further, he quietly stood up and walked toward the door.

"Thank you Eli," Gillian said quietly.

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><p>On the way home that night she was so caught up in thoughts of her day that she didn't pay attention to where she was driving until she was almost at the doorstep of Cal's house. She pulled into the driveway and sat behind the wheel, staring at what she knew to be an empty house. She told herself that it wasn't crazy to want to be in his space when she missed him so much and as she opened the door and was surrounded by the silence her heart twisted in her chest as she truly felt his absence.<p>

She walked slowly up the creaking wooden steps to the threshold of Cal's bedroom. Her face felt hot as she stared at the empty bed, thinking of her sweat slick hands gripping the head board as Cal worked her body.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed one of his pillows and pulled one of his shirts from the hamper then quickly made her way back downstairs. As she turned the lock, she laid a hand to the solid wood of the door and stroked it lovingly as if caressing the space he inhabited could somehow slake her need to caress the man himself.

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><p>She slept that night. She clutched at his pillow, resting her head against it as if it weren't a meager substitute for his warmth. She breathed in deeply as his scent surrounded her and allowed herself to be lulled to sleep.<p>

When she woke the next morning with a clear head she knew she had made a decision. She was more than capable of carrying on a successful career and finding her own direction completely separated from Cal Lightman. She simply didn't want to if there was a choice to be had. Gillian knew that from this moment forward, she could raise and entire empire based on her own work and yet it would have no meaning to her if she couldn't share it with him. She would certainly be making more than a few changes to their current work routine but ultimately it was just details. She wanted to wake up to him every morning and go to sleep to the sound of his heart every night and in between she would take things as they came.

Now the trick was getting him to understand. She really had no idea of where to even start. Picking up the phone seemed like the first logical step but after seeing the look in his eyes when she had asked him to leave she was afraid of what his response would be.

The decision was taken out of her hands while she was making coffee the next morning. It was Sunday and she had decided to work from home instead of going into the office as she had originally planned. She felt she owed it to her apartment to spend _some_ time there.

She jumped when her cell phone rang and her heart pounded. She checked the caller ID. Not Cal, thankfully but perhaps someone even more dangerous in her fragile state.

"Hello Em. Is everything all right?" She was almost afraid to ask.

"I don't know Gillian? Is it?" Emily's voice sounded worried.

"I'm fine sweetheart. Is your dad…Is he alright?"

"He's not Gil and I know you know why." There was accusation in her tone but Gillian heard frustration more than anything.

"I'm so sorry Em. I don't know what I can do. You'll be back soon." She tried to reassure her.

"He won't tell me anything Gillian. A week ago he pulled me out of school and said he wanted to spend some time with me. Now he speaks during the day and mopes all night and he refuses to call you. I don't understand. Things seemed so good right before we left. I know he misses you but he's too stubborn to admit it. Tell me you don't miss him Gillian." Emily's voice was pleading and nearly broke Gillian's heart. She hated that Emily had to be in the middle of this but it only reinforced her decision to be sure of things.

"Of course I do Emily. I miss both of you."

"Will you please talk to him? Please Gillian," Emily begged

"Em…" she tried but she could already hear her calling for Cal in the background.

Gillian could hear his voice distantly through the receiver. "I can't Emily. I already told you." Followed by Emily's near frantic tone, "she _asked _for you, Dad."

Silence.

"Gillian?" He said her name hesitantly but she closed her eyes and drank in the sound of the syllables rolling off his tongue. Tears rose instantly in her eyes and fell hotly on her cheeks.

"Gillian, is everything alright?" She realized she had been silent for too long.

"I miss you," she choked out.

The quiet seconds stretched into minutes as she waited for him to respond. She was afraid he had hung up when he finally broke the silence; his voice hoarse. "Don't cry, Gillian."

"I love you." Nothing else seemed important.

"I know you do, love, I know you do." She could hear every unspoken word.

"We've brought in several new clients. There is a pile of work waiting for you when you get back. Loker…" she began to ramble, just happy to hear his voice.

"I didn't ask, Gillian," he interrupted.

She hesitated a moment. "I know you didn't." She thought of all the things she wanted to tell him; of every detail she had wanted to rush into his office and share with him over the last week and a half. Not one detail seemed important at the moment. "Come home Cal."

"Soon, love."

She knew he was gone even before the dial tone rang in her ear.

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><p><em>yeah, sorry about this one. I would LOVE constructive criticism for improvement on this chap. <em>


	18. Chapter 18

**Ahh...the end of the road. Thanks to tnlizzey for her beta skills. This has been done for a bit. **

**Happy Smutastic Saturday ya'll!**

**Special thank you to all my fave twitter BFF's DKbuckster, Beckilles, Lightwoman, and LovelyLodie. I love you all! Thanks for taking this journey with me!**

**So many more deserve a mention here! I am thinking of you as well!**

**Fox sucks and Lie To Me was too good for them. **

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><p>"Listen Eli, I understand the importance of your chimpanzee research and I am by no means negating your contribution to this firm but right now, until Lightman gets back full time, our resources are just spread too thin. I hope you understand," Gillian said as she pushed into her office and made her way to her desk, Loker trailing just a few feet behind.<p>

She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed the large bouquet of spring flowers overflowing a crystal vase on the corner of her desk. Loker continued to rattle on behind her about the importance of the non-verbal communication study he was doing, but suddenly all sound was drowned out by the pounding of her heart as she reached for the envelope that stuck out from underneath the vase. With trembling hands she pulled out the folded piece of paper contained inside.

_Dr. Cal Lightman is hereby cleared to resume all normal physical activities without delay._

She assumed the scrawled signature at the bottom of the hospital's letterhead was the signature of Cal's doctor. She realized that Loker had stopped talking and had just said her name. She spun around, quickly folding the letter.

"I'm sorry…What were you saying?" she said, trying to focus.

"I was saying, you know as well I do that we make our living on non-verbal communication. You know? Non-verbal communication? Like the way you're clutching that piece of paper as if it was a winning lottery ticket?" he asked, nodding to her hand. "What is it?"

She forced her hand to relax and focused on Loker. "This? Nothing. Just a note about a lunch meeting I had forgotten. I'm sorry Eli," she said, quickly retrieving her purse from behind her desk and fumbling for her car keys, "we'll have to pick this up tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll be back today."

Eli studied her as she walked around him and headed for the door.

"What is that look for?" she asked.

"Nothing," Loker smiled, "just tell him we'll be glad to have him back."

Gillian paused in shocked silence as she turned back to Loker, trying to come up with a response. Instead she just flashed him a grateful smile. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she lied and quickly bolted for the door.

She stopped briefly at the front desk and corralled Anna. "How long ago did those flowers come?" she asked.

"I'm sorry?" Anna looked confused. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. I haven't seen any flower deliveries today Dr. Foster."

Gillian studied her. Either she had been very well coached by Lightman or she was telling the truth. Gillian opted to believe the latter. "Did you see anyone go in my office?"

"I'm sorry, I haven't, but I was in the back accepting an office supply delivery. I could have missed something. Would you like me to review security?" she offered.

Gillian gathered herself. "No…no, that won't be necessary. Listen, I have a lunch meeting scheduled and it might take the rest of the afternoon. Forward anything important to my email will you?" Not waiting for a response, she headed for the exit, reminding herself to breathe as she fought the urge to break into a run.

By the time she reached her car, her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped her keys twice before managing to find the lock. She gripped the steering wheel tightly and closed her eyes, forcing herself to take deep even breaths. She couldn't understand what she was feeling and she was afraid to think too much.

As Gillian pulled out of the parking garage, she tried to concentrate on the road but her mind raced from thought to thought and a myriad of emotions threatened to overwhelm her. Before she knew it, she had turned onto Cal's street. She parked haphazardly in the middle of his driveway and felt as if her feet weren't touching the ground as she fumbled for his key on her ring.

Soft music drifted to her ears the minute she pushed open the door.

_Life's dreary for me; days seem long as years. I've looked for the sun but can see none through my tears._

_Your heart must be like a stone to leave me like this alone, when you could make my life worth living by taking what I'm set on giving, sweetheart._

The gritty sound from the record player filled the lower level of the house and she walked slowly into the living room, staring at the spinning black disk in a trance as her heart hammered in her chest.

_My heart is sad and lonely. For you I cry, for you dear only. I tell you I mean it,_

_I'm all for you Body and Soul._

She heard no sound; felt no stirring of air, but suddenly strong arms wrapped around her from behind in an awkward and crushing embrace.

"Promise me you'll never ask me to leave you like that again." Cal's voice was a near sob against her neck as he tightened his grip on her even further.

She closed her eyes and collapsed into his hold with a whimpering sigh as she freed her arm and reached back to grasp a handful of his hair, holding him close. "I promise," she whispered.

Without pretense he reached his hand down and roughly cupped the space between her thighs through the fabric of her skirt.

The rush of heat to her sex was instantaneous and she cried out as she arched her back and pressed into his palm. His lips were hot against her neck and his breath heavy in her ear as his hand began to work frantically at the buttons of her blouse. She could feel the growing hardness of his erection against her backside and she ground her hips into him.

Spinning in his arms, she captured his face between her palms, her heart slamming against the wall of her chest at the unbelievably intense arousal in his eyes. With a tiny whimper of need she opened her mouth against him, her tongue twining feverishly with his as she tried to drown herself. She fed him every desire she had felt for him in his absence in that single desperate kiss, letting the tender and loving caress of his lips slowly drag her under.

Her hands found the hem of his shirt and she pushed it up impatiently, forcing him slowly backwards until they came to rest against the wall next to the stereo. She dragged his shirt over his head, pulling back slightly as her fingers trailed over the soft flesh of his abdomen. Three slightly puckered and barely noticeable scars were all that remained of the wounds that had brought them to this place. She looked up at him slowly.

"All healed, love," he said softly as he ran his hand against her cheek.

She stared into his hazel eyes and found everything she wanted there. She realized she could have strength and faith in herself and still admit that she loved her reflection even more when she saw herself through him.

She circled her arms around his neck and pulled him against her, desperate to feel him close to her again. "I need you," she whispered hoarsely as he nipped at the flesh of her throat. Her hands flew to the buttons of his jeans, fumbling the closure with trembling fingers as raw need pushed every though but one from her mind.

"I'm here, Gillian." He mouthed against her ear as he dragged her tender lobe between his teeth, sending another surge of heat to her core.

"Now," she breathed as she freed his erection, cupping him in her palm as she pressed herself against his thigh.

Her touch was like adding gasoline to a fire. He pressed her into the wall and thrust his hips against her, aware that he was most likely staining her skirt as he did so. He pulled her blouse apart; ignored the rip of fabric and the dance of buttons across the floor as she moaned against his mouth.

She freed her arms from the remnants of her blouse and pushed frantically at his jeans and briefs until they settled awkwardly around his ankles. His mouth moved across her heated flesh like lightning, spreading sparks of desire through her whole body. She burned for him and spread her thighs willingly as his hands pushed up the fabric of her skirt, seeking her heat.

He pushed aside the thin material of her panties and slid his fingers against her slick folds as she convulsed against his hand and sank her teeth into his shoulder.

She hadn't realized just how much she had craved his touch until his fingers moved inside her. She felt out of control as her body responded with an intensity she had never known. He ground the heel of his hand against her clit and she cried out for him as her legs trembled. She had never known desire so overpowering.

Cal lowered her to the floor with strong arms, laying her out on the rough wool carpet as he moved between her thighs.

Gillian's head was still spinning when Cal placed a hand behind her knee, pushing back gently as he tugged at her panties. She felt the elastic give under the stress of a painfully strong pull and before she even knew what was happening he was there, the velvety head of his cock sliding into her in a smooth and forceful stroke.

The comfort of finally being inside her was indescribable. He had an intense feeling of belonging as he twisted his hips, slipping even deeper into her welcoming warmth. He buried his head in her neck as he moved against her, slipping an arm beneath her shoulders as he held her tightly to him.

She locked her legs behind his thighs as renewed pleasure flowed through her and she threw her head back in ecstasy at the impossible feeling of being so completely possessed by him; of having each one of her senses totally filled with him.

Gathering her in his arms, he thrust his hips in shallow strokes, maximizing his contact with her body. With each plunge he felt her tighten her inner muscles, clutching at him from within as she made tiny mewling cries. Her hands moved lower on his back until she wantonly grabbed his ass, trying to pull him even deeper.

His body was responding quickly to her tight heat and her throaty moans and he felt himself slipping unconsciously into the primal rhythm he needed to bring release from the mounting intensity of pleasure.

He gently released her and rose up on his knees. Even in the grips of strong arousal he was struck by how impossibly lovely she looked lying beneath him, gloriously flushed and panting in her need.

He quickly raised both of her lovely long legs until her ankles rested on his shoulders. Her eyes flew open and she looked at him in surprise for a moment as he withdrew his full length and then slammed into her with near brutal force. A look bordering on pain passed over her face and he hesitated, afraid that he had been too rough. Instead he could see almost instantly that she was disappointed when he didn't move again and she reached for his hips, grinding herself against him.

"Harder," she moaned.

The rush of blood to his cock made him feel like he was going to explode and he immediately leaned forward, pushing her legs toward her shoulders as he pounded his hips against her. He assaulted her with a series of full, hard thrusts that soon had her moaning incoherently as he collided again and again with the sensitive spot just beneath her womb.

Gillian felt as if she might fly apart. At the moment when she thought she could not possibly contain the incredible pleasure she was experiencing, Cal changed his angle just that much more and her whole body convulsed in ecstasy. She couldn't breathe as she clawed desperately at his arms, nails digging roughly into his flesh as her body clamped down to hold him in place.

Cal was concentrating so hard on the intense emotions playing out on Gillian's face that he was completely unprepared for the moment when her walls suddenly rippled around him and then tightened in a grip that stole his breath. The pain in his arms from her fingernails was muted by the intense pleasure that started somewhere in his spine and spread through his whole body. Knowing there was no holding on, he gave one last desperate thrust and spent himself in a series of hot bursts and throaty groans, coming with an intensity he thought he had left behind somewhere in his twenties.

As his body continued to shudder, he carefully lowered her legs and she moaned softly as he moved against her overly sensitized sex. He collapsed on top of her, still buried in the space inside her that he wanted to claim as his own from this moment forward.

She wrapped her legs around him, holding him close as she whimpered and panted, still trying to find her breath. She refused to give up his body and wanted to savor the feeling of being joined to him even though she knew it couldn't last. She smiled as his lips moved against her neck and a tear slipped down her cheek as she realized how much she had missed the simple beauty of that small gesture. She stroked his back lightly, sighing softly at the gentle quivers that still ran through them both.

Slowly, he slipped from her and moved slightly to the side. Raising himself on his elbow, he gently stroked her hair. "Did you find your truth then, love?" he whispered.

"Absolutely," she said seriously, raising up slightly to kiss him gently.

He studied her in the fading light, almost afraid to look too deeply. Something passed over her face; a fleeting twinge of fear and uncertainly. "Then why are you afraid?" he pressed.

She didn't even want to try to hide from him. "Someone I put a lot of faith in once told me that you could find truth or happiness…but never both. I'm afraid of what will happen now that I have them. Which one will I have to sacrifice?"

"You are my truth Gillian, and nothing could make me happier than that." He kissed her lightly, holding her lips with his as she whimpered softly.

"So you're saying he was wrong then?" she said with a smile as he nuzzled her ear.

"What bloody wanker believes something like that? You must have misheard him, darling." He traced the rim of her ear with his tongue.

"Mmmm…I'm sure that was it." She squirmed as renewed heat began to flow in her at the slow and gentle way he was worshiping the sensitive spot just behind her ear with his tongue.

"So that's settled then. Truth and happiness." He ceased his attentions momentarily to meet her eyes.

"Truth and happiness," she echoed.

"Right, back to the important things," he said, trailing his lips across her jaw.

"If you want truth, Cal, It would be nice if we got off the floor. I think I have rug burn. OH!" she gasped as he suddenly drew her nipple between his teeth.

"Well then you'll just have to be on top this time, love. I'm not even half done with you yet," he growled against her breast before assaulting her flesh once more.

"We still have a lot to talk about you know." She writhed beneath him and bit her lip, trying hard to focus on all the things she wanted to say to him.

"We have a lifetime to discuss things Gillian; right now I have other uses I want to put my mouth to." And with that, he moved to her other breast, working the flesh there into a taut peak to match.

"I can't argue with you," she whispered breathlessly, surrendering her body and soul to his loving touch.

* * *

><p>~fine~<p> 


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